We’re still at home, mostly.  It’s fall.  It’s cold.  COVID numbers are rising.  We venture out to shop for food, necessities, and now Christmas presents.  We are spending much more money on-line, and then feel guilty about not supporting our local businesses.   Okay, we do have our nails done and hit the dentist and doctor when needed.  The bad news is that lots of friends are concerned about indoor dining.  It’s going to be a long, dark, lonely winter.  Thankfully, the family still gets together.  We are careful, of course.  We don’t want to die.  We would like to see the grandkids graduate from high school and, hopefully, college. 

But, honestly, we do have a lot of time on our hands.  So, we’ve been entertaining ourselves with COVID questions, observations, and giggles.

We are now paranoid about licking our fingers.  Licked fingers are essential for turning the pages of the newspaper and books and helping us pick up small bits of debris scattered about.  Safety or efficiency?  Tough to break old habits.  Speaking of licking, we are no longer licking envelopes.  We weren’t surprised recently to be asked not to lick a return envelope needed to pay a bill by check.  Guess we’re not the only ones who are paranoid.  Yet, with the slowdown of mail delivery, doubt any of our germs will be alive by the time the envelope is opened.

We know.  Wash your hands frequently with soap and water…for at least 20 seconds.  Time to find the chorus of a favorite song that will help ensure you’ve hit the 20-second mark.  Hopefully, it is something other than the mind-numbing repetition of singing “Happy Birthday” twice, as some have advised.  We can be more creative than that!

The pandemic may be a catalyst to end paying with cash!  Cash is a notoriously efficient carrier of bacteria and viruses.  The lifespan of various bills ranges from four to 15 years—lots of time to accumulate germs.  The phrase “dirty money” has certainly taken on a new meaning.

What about blowing out birthday candles?  Spitting all over a cake might become a no-no.  If we believe infectious disease experts, handshakes could also become a thing of the past as we’ve gotten more freaked about germs and hygiene.  Are high fives and hugs also a thing of the past?   

We’re all already feeling touch-deprived as we physically distance so we aren’t infected by goo droplets.  What does six feet apart actually look like, as recommended?  Our favorite descriptions are a dude in a top hat laying on the floor and one and a fifth Danny DeVitos.

There are some things we’ve learned because of the pandemic.  Diseases can have multiple names like COVID-19, also called SARS-CoV-2, or simply the coronavirus disease 2019.  COVID-19 is capitalized because the World Health Organization says so.  We’ve also learned that a pangolin is a scaly anteater that supposedly got COVID from a bat.  The Chinese eat them.  So, don’t eat pangolins, bats, or humans to avoid the virus.  We’ve also learned what the inside of every late night show host’s house looks like.  

We are also doing some calming things to ensure we’re not caught flat-footed in another crisis.  We’ve learned some lessons…the hard way.  We now keep at least two weeks of toilet paper, tissues, and paper towels stashed away.  Hydrogen peroxide has been added to our Apocalypse list as its uses are legion.  We can’t believe we missed it the first time around.  It is a staple of the modern medicine cabinet, always on hand for first aid needs, and gargling with it can keep a visit to the dentist off your calendar.  And, it’s a disinfectant.  Kills COVID.  Who knew?   It’s still really hard to find in stores maybe because hospitals are scooping up those brown bottles. 

And, with all of us cooking at home more, we found recycling isn’t that easy!  Junk food bags aren’t recyclable.  Huh?   Some take-out food boxes aren’t recyclable. Some triangles are so small we must resort to a magnifying glass!  

So our wrinkled wisdom for today?   Find humor where you can.  Laugh out loud.  Don’t lick your fingers.  Know you can exercise with wine bottles if you don’t have weights.  Shout “allergy” after you sneeze to keep from getting those creepy looks.  Let’s lobby for a required, seeable visual on packaging and containers that are NOT recyclable!  And, if you have any insights on stock to buy as behavior changes because of lockup, let us all know.  We missed Tupperware and Crocs.