Wrinkled Wisdom: I’m Too Old for This (Bleep)

How many times have you heard yourself or someone else mutter: I’m too old for this!!  

It’s stuff that is frustrating, irritating, or repetitive, and stuff we’ve been doing for years that we just don’t feel like dealing with anymore.  It’s a flexible phrase that is so often very appropriate. 

It was popularized by Danny Glover’s character in the late 1980s Lethal Weapon movie series.  Danny blurted it out when the cop he played faced dangerous or frustrating situations.  He actually uttered: I’m too old for this…hmmm…crap. We’ll keep it clean.  

We’ll be PC.  Wait.  That’s one of our frustrations!  Political correctness.  Did you know we should drop phrases like “basket case” and “long time no see”?  One is disrespectful to veterans and the other derogatory toward Asians and racist.  And, we never again can use the word “hysterical.”  It’s derived from the Greek word for uterus.  All these years, we’ve naively used it to describe something very funny!  Nope, it’s now considered sexist.  Ah, we ARE too old for this…(bleep).

The catchphrase can apply to all ages.  Millennials consider themselves too old for online dating, are dumping Facebook, and drinking less beer.  Not surprisingly, we oldies have a different list.   

Some things go without saying.  No more bikinis and speedos.  No-brainers.

Forget outdoor work like snow shoveling or even snow blowing.  That machine weighs a ton!  Lawn mowing?  No.  Even a sit-down mower doesn’t cut it.  (Like that wordplay?)  Then, there is the bush and tree trimming and weeding and raking; and, well, pretty much anything outdoors other than tending our jardinières.  

An adult community with no maintenance seems appealing, but that would mean moving—shuffling around heavy packing boxes and getting rid of a bunch of things.  And, we all know the kids don’t want our…aah…stuff.

Forget cross-country driving.  It’s a challenge.  Well, just driving is a challenge.  Traffic is crazy.  Drivers are crazy.  Oldies are less flexible, so it’s harder to look over our shoulders.  And, the glare of headlights at night can be really annoying.  We wonder if Bruce Springsteen, turning 70 this month, might be considering rewriting the lyrics to his 1973 hit, Blinded by the Light.

Forget standing in lines.  That includes ski areas (think lift, not Lyft with a “y”), hot new restaurants, rock concerts, or pretty much anything related to tickets and popular venues.  (An aside: let’s be honest about how beloved friends and relatives with handicap placards have become!)

And, forget theme park rides.  No roller coasters anymore.  In fact, limit visits to theme parks, children’s museums, playgrounds, and other venues with the grandkids.  Because, they are chockful of, well, kids…kids we are dying to discipline but that is rarely well received. 

We’re also too old for social media nonsense or wearing four-inch heels or tattooing an inner ear…the latest, hottest location for a tattoo, reportedly.  But, we’ll never be too old for guilty pleasures—eating chocolate, sleeping in, spending money on our bucket list, and knocking down our favorite vodka tonic or Manhattan.

So our wrinkled wisdom for today:  Revel in watching others do your home maintenance.  A handyman is a top priority!  Hire a lawn service.  Find a neighbors’ kid to shovel snow.  And remember that this catchphrase can be used strategically and in fun—like when the grandkids pelt you with snowballs.  Other stuff we’re too old for?  Note your observations in the comment section so we can all giggle.  We promise no one will troll you!

2 thoughts on “Wrinkled Wisdom: I’m Too Old for This (Bleep)

  1. Rachel says:

    I keep telling myself that I’m too old to worry about a relationship with my father, but the truth is….there’s nothing comical about a daughter longing for her father’s love. Its actually quite tragic. The truth is that I am getting old and there’s not a day that goes by that I dont think of him.
    Am I too old to want ” my daddy”? Should I just accept the fact that he doesn’t want me of love me? I just dont believe that I will ever be soooo old that I would say , “I’m too old to love my dad or give up on him”. I am starting to wonder if he is getting too old to remember me, because he didn’t remember me much in his youth.
    Sorry to put a damper on your humor…..but the way I feel ( and have felt all 49 years of my life) is NO LAUGHING MATTER!!!!
    I’m definitely NOT TOO OLD TO SAY….” I LOVE YOU DAD….ALWAYS HAVE & ALWAYS WILL……NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU AVOID ME & PRETEND I DONT EXIST. I HOPE YOU HAVE CONTINUED TO HAVE A LIFE FULL OF LOVE & JOY…. BUT MOST OF ALL….I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

    Like

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