No bars!  No restaurants!  No haircuts!  No manicures!  No sports!  No gyms!  No parties!  Not too concerned about tattoo parlors being closed.  Blaring headlines remind us daily to stay at home and exercise social distancing, especially to protect the elderly.   Heck, then we realized we are the elderly! 

Time for some levity.   That does not include the kids ditching the phrase OK Boomer to describe the virus as the “boomer remover.”

Humor helps us cope with stress and adversity.   And, stressed we all are.   So, let’s have some fun.

We love the new drink, the “quarantini.”   It’s the martini you drink while alone.  Hypothetically, if you have a cat or dog or bird or hamster, you are not drinking alone!  This is no time for guilt.  Time to chug.

With people around the world forced to work from home and self-isolate, some are predicting another baby boom.  They joke that this generation will be labelled the “quaranteens” or the “coronials.”  

Others argue that extended, non-stop time with spouses could have the opposite effect.  Divorce.  One news outlet reports that divorce filings skyrocketed by 50 percent recently.

We are all really ticked at hoarders of toilet paper, soap, and hand sanitizers.  It’s weird to go to the grocery store and see entire aisles, once chockful of paper products, totally bare.  Local government officials immediately warned toilet paper-strapped residents not to flush paper towels, tissues, or napkins down the john.  They are not biodegradable and will clog pipes.  And, we might remind hoarders that if others don’t have access to soaps and hand sanitizers, it ups the chances the hoarder will get the virus!

Okay, we admit that we have stocked up on some important items: our favorite junk food, coffee, creamer, chocolate, medications, and batteries for our smoke alarms.  Can’t live with that chirping!   Speaking of grocery shopping, it’s now a social outing.  We appreciate grocery stores dedicating an hour during which only seniors can shop.  But, we aren’t morning people.  Getting to the store by 7 a.m. isn’t appealing!  Can King Soopers rethink that?

We are certain that self-isolating with kids and grandkids will create a resurgence of board games (not BORED), but we are realistic enough to know it’s more likely to be a Minecraft game.  Of course, no game playing until school work, assigned reading, chores, and room cleaning have been done for the day.  LOL

Since gyms are closed, we are concerned about weight gain.  Never seen so many of our neighbors out for a walk!  To keep those pounds off, gyms are moving workouts online.  And, we loved the trainer in Spain who ran an exercise class from his apartment rooftop for neighbors on his block.  

As boredom sets in, there are always projects awaiting you’ve ignored for ages.  You can clean out your closet, the basement, and your files; try a new recipe; trim the bushes and fluff the mulch; and tackle home improvement projects.  Chiropractors’ offices had hoped to stay open, as one pointed out, to soothe husbands’ backaches, strains, and pains after attacking the honey-do list!   

So our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Maintain your sense of humor.  Do some FaceTime with friends, your favorite cocktail in hand.  Play bridge online.  Support your local restaurants.  Take out; drive through; have it delivered.  Only watch feel-good shows on television.  Ignore the stock market.  Limit the junk food.  Gas is cheap.  Too bad we don’t have anywhere to go but the grocery store.  But, take a drive anyway.  Need to keep those car batteries charged.  And, we think we can all agree that it’s time we stopped describing a meme, photo, or tweet as “going viral.”