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Wrinkled wisdom – Sleep Tight, Wake up Bright

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Diet, exercise, and sleep are the three pillars of a healthy life, especially as we age.  Okay, we can choose to eat nourishing foods.  We can choose to go to the gym or take long walks.  But we sure can’t just choose to get a good night’s sleep.  If only!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that more than a third of U.S. adults don’t get the recommended seven hours or more of sleep every night.  We’re not alone!

Just walk into a drugstore and take a look at the sleep aid section.  It’s huge.  Options include Sleep-eze, ZzzQuil, Sominex, Kalms Night, melatonin, and more.  If they don’t work, doctors can prescribe Halcion, Restoril, Lunesta, Ambien, and Sonata.   Still not sleeping?  Explore functional mushrooms as seen on Shark Tank!

We stumbled onto an article headlined “simple things” to do to promote a good night’s sleep.  We like simple things so we read on.  First, avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol four to six hours before sleep.  Hmmm…the alcohol thing could be tough.  We’re limited to happy hour?? 

Next, set your heater or air conditioner at a comfortable temperature.  Okay.  Makes sense.  Avoid your cell phone, TV, and computer an hour before you are ready to go to bed.  Huh?  So, what are we supposed to do for that hour??   Brushing your teeth takes minutes.  Guess it’s time to read a book.  Maybe Meditation for Beginners??

Apparently, some people do better with a small amount of noise when sleeping.  You could run your ceiling fan or buy a white noise machine.  They are very, very popular.  Creating a soothing nighttime playlist is an option.  Your partner’s snoring obviously doesn’t count.  Are earplugs the answer to that snoring??   Maybe not!  They are one of the most common objects removed from ears in hospitals’ emergency rooms.

Another tip about what to drink when.  Forget the coffee, tea, or juice when you wake up in the morning.  We’re supposed to drink water first.  That is certainly easy to do while making the coffee or tea or pouring the juice.  And let’s face it, we are thirsty in the mornings because we don’t drink a bunch at night so we don’t have to get up and pee multiple times.  Chug some water first thing?  Good with that.  Doctors recommend adding some soluble fiber powder…if we can remember.

So, when’s the best time to stop drinking water at night?  Two hours before going to bed.  Take your vitamins in the morning.  Don’t flood your body with fluids at night.  You’ll really regret it.

As we all well know, waking up in the middle of the night to head to the john has become more common as we’ve gotten older.  There’s a reason.  Our bodies produce less of the hormone that helps concentrate urine and retain fluids.  Peeing during the night even has a name—nocturia.   Some clever individual made it up by combining the Latin word for “night” and the Greek word for “urine.”  

What about naps?  Experts say a short nap—less than 90 minutes—is okay since it’s a lighter phase of sleep, not that deep, restorative sleep that you should get throughout the night.  Yet it’s often so elusive for so many.

And, experts say we should wear socks to bed.  Nothing to do with keeping your feet warm.  Actually, just the opposite.  Why?  Sends a signal to your brain to lower your core temperature—a cue that it’s time for…sleep! 

Lack of sleep sure hits our vanity hard.  None of us want to look in the mirror in the morning after a bad night’s sleep.  A tired face boasts droopy eyelids, circles under the eyes, sagging mouth corners, wrinkles, and fine lines.  No, it’s not just aging!  

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Since sleep is our most important behavior, go for broke on a good mattress.  If you’re a “princess and the pea” type, sorry, you’re on your own.  In your next place, make sure the john is about seven steps from your bed.  You know why!  We wish you sweet dreams.  But putting that song on your nighttime playlist won’t help!   Oh, and remember—nightlights are your friends.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Spam?  Get Cyber Savvy! 

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Spam with a capital “s” is Hormel Foods’ popular canned, precooked, meat product. 

Spam with a small “s” are those unsolicited emails that mostly end up in our junk and spam files, thanks to spam filters.  While some spam is just annoying and repetitive, many are sent by cybercriminals hoping we will respond and naively give them our credit card and social security numbers.  

Then there is the spam that contains malware, giving scammers access to our personal information such as bank account details.   These bad guys are fishing for information.  Oops!  That’s phishing with a “ph” in tech talk.  It’s all about pilfering money—our money!

Spam got its name from Hormel’s Spam!  In a 1970s episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, he lampooned a restaurant’s menu for including so much Spam.   Years later, an administrator of a computer network communication systems company accidently posted 200 duplicate responses to his board.  In tribute to Python, the reaction was spam, spam, spam!  It stuck.

Heck, we wouldn’t open a can of Spam anymore than we would open a spam email!  And, that means ignoring lots of emails.  Over half of all global email traffic is spam.  More than 300 billion spam emails pop up in various accounts every day, over 90% containing malware.  Consider the 50 you received today a piece of cake. 

For the last 20 years, October has been Cyber Security Awareness Month, a collaborative effort between government and industry to ensure we have the resources to stay safer online.  Twenty years??  Hasn’t slowed scammers! 

Surprisingly, it’s millennials who get scammed the most, not we seniors!  Could it be a combination of comfort with the internet, more time online, and, well…hubris??   They reportedly fall for online shopping, investment, and employment scams.

Like most of you, we just ignore spam.  But we decided to take a look and had some fun checking them out.  Here’s what you are missing!

Wouldn’t the holidays be so much more fun if we could spend the $13,000 Bonus Hunters has deposited in our banking account and those $1,000 gift cards from JC Penney and Costco?  Fuhgeddaboudit, as they say in mafia movies!  These phishing spam scams are easy to spot; because, as they say, nothing in life is free.

The invitations to have sex can be amusing.  Sick of your small penis?  No, don’t need to watch your video.  We’re not guys.  Naked Anna wants to introduce us to the most “gorgeious” hot girls near us.  Try spell check, honey.   Another sexy fake spammer promised to do anything we wanted.  Anything?  Stop emailing us!

A congratulatory email from the IRS?  As if!  We are also entertained by the emails from Esmeraldo warning us that something extraordinary is about to happen and urging us to click on our horoscope.   Yes, something extraordinarily bad will happen if we click on our horoscope! 

Persistently, we get spam emails reportedly from the Geek Squad, Best Buy’s tech support service.  Shouldn’t these geeks know how to fix this??  The Federal Trade Commission’s consumer advice website alerts the public to this scam.  Had no idea the site even existed.  You can see the scams the agency has identified and report a scam on the site.  Heck, with the number of scams we get daily, reports could take hours.  More companies should make public the scam frauds targeting them and contact their customers.  We have only ever received one!

Scammers obviously think scare tactics will be an impetus for us to click on their email.  iCloud warning: all your photos will be removed!   Security Notice: suspicious viruses have been detected! 

Spam filters trying to protect us from scams have an interesting list of words and phrases that cause an email to end up in our spam/junk files.  These words could cause one of your emails to end up there as well.  They include: amazing, congratulations, dear friend, click here, special promotion, and, entertainingly, this is not spam.

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Continue to ignore spam.  Don’t open and try to unsubscribe.  That just confirms that your email address is active and could lead to even more spam emails.  Yuck!  Gmail will automatically delete spam older than 30 days.  If you are a bit OCD and don’t like seeing hundreds of emails sitting in your spam/junk files, just delete all.  And if you are ever in Austin, Minnesota, visit the Spam Museum.  It’s more interesting than you would think, and, hey, it’s free.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Random Thoughts

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Random Thoughs

We had toyed with the idea of writing a selection titled: Ten Top Reasons We’re Glad It Is Not 2020 Anymore….a cumbersome title and a blatant play on David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists.  (So fun not to have to explain who Letterman is to our readers.)  We also had a humorous Top Ten Reasons to Keep Some Masks idea, another cumbersome title.  However, things have not progressed as we had hope, so we nixed both ideas.  Consequently, we are left with… random thoughts.

Wow.  Disruptions in the supply chain are really screwing things up and driving up prices!  Costco is again limiting purchases of some items.  The issue isn’t panic buying.  They just can’t get the products to their stores. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as last year when everyone was hoarding.  Example?  Someone’s mega-package of toilet paper was strewn on the street recently and no one stopped to pick up the rolls!

Speaking of disruptions, if you need to schedule any medical appointments, do it now.  One specialist we called is now taking appointments in March.  March????

As more people are posting on various media, it’s driving up our blood pressure as we are constantly struck by poor grammar and spelling.  Sure, we all make mistakes, but we do know how to use an apostrophe!!!  And, please, there is the correct usage of “regard” versus “regards.” 

Mercedes once ran an ad bragging…More power.  More style.  More technology.  Less doors.  Less doors?  Wait, doors can be counted so, using proper grammar, the ad should have boasted fewer doors.  Some claim that companies use bad grammar to sell their products or services, arguing that it grabs people’s attention causing them to stop and focus on the message.  Nope.  Not buying that.  Just some ad writer’s clever response when caught screwing up.

Viruses constantly change through mutation.  So, we are lobbying for use of the word “mutant” over “variant” to describe the new forms of Covid.  Mutant sounds more negative to us, while variant seems more benign…like abnormal or different.  And, we are sure feeling negative about the Delta mutant taking us backwards.  

Regeneron is available to those over 65, so a positive for oldies who are suffering from breakthrough Covid cases.  Got to look for the positives these days!

Cooking has lost its appeal.  Thank goodness for microwaves and toaster ovens…and delivery!

We are noticing an increase in roadside litter.  Yes, people are back in their cars and going places, but has the pandemic made us less thoughtful about the environment???  “Leave no trace” should be honored everywhere.  Google its principles not the movie.  

We’ve noted that some do not do solitary very well; no wonder it is used as a penal punishment. 

Some people feel masks limit interpersonal communication.  There is truth to that.  Masks muffle sounds and cover facial expressions.  However, after more than a year of this mess, we’ve learned to better read body language, eyebrows, eyes, and upper cheeks, which are keys to understanding the big picture.  Listen for those audible signs of frustration.  Watch for that twinkle in happy eyes.  

The pandemic has spurred gambling from anywhere, any time, and on anything!  Even we can name multiple betting sites available to us on our phones.  And the initial no loss come-ons are way too inviting.  We don’t even understand half the betting terms, and we have limited to no knowledge about some sports.  Arm Wrestling and Rock Paper Scissors Championships! Really?

We’ve watched our screen time increase each week.  Gee…could it be killing time with online games?   Okay, maybe not Minecraft or Fortnight, but solitaire, poker, bridge, Words with Friends, or Candy Kush?  Not telling.

So, our wrinkled wisdom for today?  Continue to wear those darn masks to protect yourself and others from the RISE of the MUTANTS.  Hmmm…in addition to storing personal protective equipment for the next pandemic, maybe the government should offer free American Sign Language classes so we can better communicate when masked?  Beware of online gambling!  Even if you know the terms parlay, bad beat, and vig, you can still lose your shirt.  Consider supply issues and shipping times when planning to cook or bake.  The strawberry jam bundt cake is on hold because the strawberry extract is weeks late.  We’re not advocating hoarding…but.  

Wrinkled Wisdom: Then and Now

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Remember rotary phones?  Love the recent video of two teenagers attempting to figure out how to use one to make a call.  They flunked!    Heck, remember party lines?  They were less expensive than a private line and promoted as patriotic during World War II because they required less copper used for ammunition cartridges.  

Hard to fathom today that between two and 20 families were willing to share the same phone line.  You knew a call was for you because each family had a specific ring—a mix of short and long rings.  No answering service, of course.  Our grandparents had one.  It was not unusual to pick up their phone and hear a voice on the line.  It was soooo tempting to eavesdrop.  But that was a definite no-no. 

Today, we all have cell phones.  Do we miss the old days?  Don’t miss busy signals.  Don’t miss memorizing friends’ and family members’ telephone numbers.  Now, they are right there in our cell phone contacts.  That’s sure a plus as we age…unless our phones crash!!  Don’t miss faxing stuff.  And, pay phone booths?  The kids just look at them and say…huh??  And, speaking of kids, we’re ticked off at the rash of robocalls!  Aren’t these young techies smart enough to figure out how to stop them?  

Remember when “overexposure” simply described exposing a roll of old camera film to too much light?  We sure use that word in numerous, negative contexts today!  And, no more trotting to the drug store to have that film developed.  We all ecstatically graduated to the Polaroid camera, which could produce a finished print in under a minute.  Then, digital cameras were invented.  Now, everyone simply uses their cell phone.  Instant gratification!

Remember when car makes and models were distinct, unique?  Not today.  Can’t tell a Chevy from a Jaguar.  Okay, we can spot a Mini Cooper.  Loved those old 50’s tail fins.  And, two-toned station wagons.  Station wagons???  Yes, we understand that certain shapes and features provide the best aerodynamics, which is why most cars look the same.  We support car designs that are fuel efficient and good for the environment.  But, can’t we be ecofriendly and creative?

It was tough to adapt to wearing seat belts back in 1968.  Today, the safety features on new cars have escalated and the constant alerts are both confusing and frustrating.  Love the blind spot warning system and the backup camera.  But, most drivers say they are annoyed by nanny-tech like the lane-keeping and centering systems and disable many features.  

Remember when we returned our used, glass soda bottles to the grocery store for a refund?  They were expensive to produce.  Bottlers wanted them back.  Then things changed dramatically.  Disposable containers appeared with the words “no deposit; no return.”  Early environmentalists were worried about littering.  No kidding!  We’ve all seen the photos of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, the turtle with a straw stuck in its nose, and the pounds of plastic trash in the stomachs of dead whales and dolphins.  But, no one ever expected that we would be inadvertently eating and inhaling gobs of microplastics today.  Guess the Food and Drug Administration needs to get with it and require companies to list plastics on food ingredient labels!  

Remember our dance moves?  Our parents thought the Twist was scandalous.  Then came the Locomotion, the Mashed Potato, the Watusi, the Monkey, and the Frug.  Sometimes, we even wow the kids and do the Jitterbug.  Remember the first televisions?  No color—just black and white.  Programming stopped shortly after midnight with the playing of the national anthem. And, oh, only three channels.  

Adolescent fiction is a big business today.  Think Harry Potter.  Remember the reading habits of our youth?  Nancy Drew for the girls and the Hardy Boys for the…well…boys.  That was about it!

Our wrinkled wisdom for today:  Feel smug that we oldies can’t be beat on the dance floor, even if we are huffing and puffing to make it through the entire song.  Feel smug that we have adjusted to the surge in technology during our lifetime.  Buy a new car while you are still able to learn all the new safety features…and turn off the annoying stuff.  Here’s a fun quiz.  What album did you own as a LP, tape, and CD, and now stream on Spotify?  Let us all know in the comment section.  Finally, plastic litter will outweigh fish in the ocean in a couple of decades.  Think about the grandkids eating/inhaling microplastics throughout their lives.  Let’s get plastics out of our lives!

Old Is the New New

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No, we aren’t talking about consignment shops. We’re talking about the changing face of America.

The world’s older population continues to grow at an unprecedented rate.  There are now over 72 million boomers and another 50-odd million people who belong to the “silent” generation.  And, our growth is outpacing every other demographic group.  In fact, by 2030, one in five Americans will be 65 or older.  A virtual tsunami of oldies!

Old is the new new!  That should earn us a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!  With this reference, we are broadening the feminist theme of Aretha Franklin’s 1967 hit.

Interestingly, speaking of respect, did you know we have our own government agency?  It’s called the National Institute on Aging (NIA).  It’s part of the National Institute of Health, which we all know as NIH, and is charged with studying aging and extending our healthy, active years of life.  Alzheimer’s disease is an important focus.  Oh, and testosterone therapy.

There is power in numbers.  Money talks.   Ah, sometimes adages and their general truths are apropos if a bit overused.  As a group, we oldies have tremendous economic clout.  Seniors control nearly a third of total U.S. net wealth.  Advertisers need to catch on!

And, marketers are wising up…albeit…slowly.  They are recognizing that we spend and it’s not just on cruises, medical alert systems, senior living facilities, and Depends.  Research underscores that we are significant buyers of cars and Apple products.   Hence the recent AARP headline:  Automakers Rediscover and Create for Boomers.

How propitious that self-driving cars are being developed just as we are aging!  How very thoughtful.  And, another fun headline: Self-driving Vehicles and Baby Boomers: A Budding Relationship.

Yet, advertisers have a long, long way to go.  Today, less than five percent of advertising targets the baby boomer market.  Most advertising dollars are spent catering to 18 to 34 year-olds.  Forbes magazine calls us the most neglected, wealthy group in the history of marketing.

And, important to advertisers, we Google.  We check our e-mail on our smartphones. We order stuff online.  We use social media.  We have Facebook pages.  We check out YouTube.  In fact, baby boomers describe themselves as heavy Internet users. The average broadcast media viewer is now over 50, which is really a profound change that will greatly impact television advertising.

Marketers, do the math!  Get over gerontophobia.  And, learn to talk to us in a way that reflects some reality.

And, wow, do they have a lot to learn.  Most seniors don’t like the advertising aimed at them.  It isn’t realistic or respectful, according to polls.  It’s stereotypic.  We want ads that capture our attention, entertain us, inform us, and respect us.

Okay, we all don’t look like Jane Fonda at 79.  Who can afford that much cosmetic surgery?  However, we do enjoy a beautiful oldie being featured in ads for L’Oreal skin cream aimed at women of all ages.  One of our favorites is an ad for Aldi, a German discount grocery chain with stores in the U.S.  It features an older woman, who, after pointing out the teas she buys for her husband, shares with the viewing audience: “I don’t like tea.  I like gin.”

As marketing changes and matures (is that a pun?), we hope to see an end to articles and discussions about ageism being the last politically correct prejudice.  We understand that mockery of older people masks fears of growing old.  We’re guilty.  Remember when we were in our 20s and dissed 30-year olds as over the hill?  Maybe that’s already changing.  A recent study shows that the younger generation’s greatest fear is their phone batteries running low.  We could create a fun analogy about aging, but won’t.

So our wrinkled wisdom for today?  Lift a glass.  Make a toast.  We’re not invisible anymore!  Give to the National Institute for Aging.  Yes, it’s a federal agency, but Congress made an exception and it can accept donations.  And, it’s OUR federal agency.  If an Aldi store comes to your area, shop there.  The management obviously has a great sense of humor.  When advertisements feature seniors in a fun and respectful manner, buy the product— after you Google the reviews, of course.

 

Bad Drivers

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Bad drivers are, well…driving us crazy!  This is a ubiquitous problem.  All ages are guilty.

Yes, there are tailgaters, drivers who let everyone merge in front of them, and people who go at a snail’s pace through lights so you get stuck waiting for the next green light.  Grrr!

We will ignore the issue of dogs in the back of pickups because we thought the hate mail might be more than we can handle.  Some other fools can point out that an estimated 100,000 dogs die each year riding in the back of trucks—flying out during an accident, falling out accidentally, or sliding out the back of an open tailgate.

No, we are talking behaviors that cause us to spew profanities, cause road rage, and are undeniably dangerous: driving through red lights—not amber, RED; cruising at or below posted speed limits in the left hand lane; texting or talking on cell phones; and…driving while old.

There is no law that says if you’ve been stopped at a light you have the right to go through the next one.  More and more drivers routinely go through red lights, especially turn lights.  We get it.  Some turn lanes have short green lights.  Cope!  Running a red light is insane, overworks middle fingers, and really dirties the crosswalk with all that glass from the accident.  Weigh patience with wildly increased insurance payments.  Red means…stop!!!

We just don’t get the cruising in the left lane thing.  Are people oblivious?   Arrogant?  Vision-impaired?  Paternalistic?  If I have to go the speed limit, so do you?  Nah…nah…nah.  It is not your job to patrol the roads and keep people at or below the posted limit.  Let those rabbits speed ahead and draw the traffic cop’s attention.  When there are five cars behind you and you are being tailgated, take a hint.  That’s what rearview mirrors are for.  Move right!  You are generating frustration, leading to outrageous behavior by other drivers who are looking for any chance to pass you on the right.  You might not be in an accident, but could you cause one??  Yup.

Left lane hogs came in third in a recent study of causes of road rage.  Tailgating came in second and, wait for it, texting topped the charts.

None of these annoying and dangerous behaviors have gotten the attention that texting while driving has instigated.  Have you seen those videos??  Death and destruction everywhere.  Heck, a safety organization has even deemed April “Distracted Driving Awareness Month.”  April is an appropriate choice; texters are fools.

Texting is the culprit in 80 percent of all teen crashes.  A concerned group in Colorado, Texting Thumb Bands, posts these stats.  Texting while driving causes 6,000 deaths and 330,000 injuries per year, kills 11 teens every day, makes  “texters”  23 times more likely to have an accident, and is the same as driving after drinking four beers.

Another group has invented a new phrase: “driving while intexticated.”  Very clever.

So, texting is a no-no.  But, even using hands-free technologies to talk on the phone while driving apparently isn’t safe.  Estimates say that cell phone use is involved in 26 percent of all car crashes.  (We were surprised it was that low!)  Like everyone else, we thought that hands-free devices were the responsible choice.  Not true.  Our brains are distracted by the conversation.  Research shows that talking drivers scan the road less and miss visual cues, potentially resulting in drivers not seeing items right in front of them, including stop signs, pedestrians, and bicyclists.  Hands-free does not equal emotion-free.  Here’s a concept…if you want to text or talk…pull over!!!

Even our hi-tech dashboards are distracting…the radio, GPS, DVD player.  Car companies say these technologies—that increase car prices—are safe.  But, are they?  Nope.  Car makers are not particularly prone to the truth.  Think Volkswagen and GM for starters.

We will not get into DUIs and DWIs.  That’s easy.  Don’t drink and drive!!  Many of us have been lucky and not stopped; but, more importantly, we didn’t hurt anyone and learned our lesson.  Take designated drivers seriously.  Don’t even get on a bicycle!

Marijuana is an interesting contrast.  A new study finds that drivers who use marijuana are at a significantly lower risk for a crash than drivers who use alcohol.   What?????

Hmmm.  It could be that pot smokers who get behind the wheel tend to drive slower than the speed limit.  Driving stoned somehow makes 25 miles an hour feel like 50.  Totally entertained by the “Saturday Night Live” spoof—a billboard urging stoned drivers to “speed up.”   Still not a good idea.  Stoned drivers are twice as likely as an unimpaired driver to have an accident.

Lastly…the tough one.  When do you give up your car keys or take them away from mom or dad?  Driving is a key to many oldies’ independence.  This is a very individual issue.  Some oldies are fine.   But, most of us are going to outlive our ability to drive…by 10 years.  That’s a startling stat.

Clues are vision, hearing loss, dexterity, disease, and medications.  Okay…here’s an obvious one.  If you have dementia, don’t drive.  Our dad’s driver’s license was automatically renewed when he was 85.  Hey, at least make him take a driver’s test.  It’s hard to tell a parent it’s over.  If he failed his test…problem solved.  No family angst.

The “conversation” about the keys should emphasize that you care.  And, importantly, include research you’ve done on transportation that is available to them.  Options.  Options are always good.

We giggled over some online, last resort advice.  Disable the car by removing the battery cable or distributor cap.  Honesty is not always the best policy, apparently.

So, our wrinkled wisdom for today?  Get the message when your friends are silent when you say you are a good driver, or when they always insist on doing the driving, or when everyone is passing you on the right.  Save money for a self-driving car. (Although they may not be the panacea we are all hoping for!)  Remember that it is important to complete your personal hygiene at home.  And, also remember that not all states have laws that fine drivers for obviously dangerous behaviors.  Write your legislators and demand new or tougher laws/penalties for running lights, left-lane hogs, texting/cell phone use, and other dangerous driving behaviors.  Since we are old, we hate to push for mandatory driving tests for those of us over 70.  But, crap, probably a good idea.  And, PUT YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE AWAY WHEN YOU’RE BEHIND THE WHEEL!