health

Wrinkled Wisdom – Good Taste…Bad Taste…Fading Taste

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We’ve all been complimented on our good taste for something we’ve done or donned.  We easily recognize when something is in bad taste.  Fading taste?  It’s the term for the unhappy news that, as we age, our taste buds fade. 

Have you noticed that some of your favorite foods just don’t seem to taste the same?   Women can start losing their taste buds in their 40s.  For men, fading taste buds can happen in their 50s.  Salty and sweet flavors tend to decline first.  Bummer!  Love sugary desserts.  That sure explains why we’re dousing our fries with more salt and spooning more sugar into our morning coffee or tea.

We all, of course, assume our taste buds are on the tongue.  Yup!  Most of them.  But you can’t see them.  They are nestled within the visible bumps on the tongue called papillae.  We’ve got more taste buds in our throats and upper esophagi.  The papillae not only protect our taste buds; their rough texture helps with chewing and swallowing. 

Each of us could have once bragged about having 2,000 and 10,000 taste buds.  Not today!  Our buds have a short lifespan and are typically replaced every week or two.  This regenerative process slows down as we age, causing fading taste. 

Bet you can’t name the five basic tastes.  There’s sweet (a personal favorite), sour, salty, bitter, and umami.  Umami?  Got you on that one!  It describes a savory, meaty, or broth-like flavor.  It was named by a Japanese chemist who discovered the distinct taste of kombu, a seaweed broth, in 1908.  That’s over 100 years ago!  Could we consider renaming it, please??

Lately there has been discussion about adding fat and calcium to the big basic five.  There is reportedly significant scientific evidence supporting their independent detection by the tongue.  Think chicken fat, also known as schmaltz.  Hmmm.  Yes, the same word you may have used to describe an overly sappy love scene in a movie.  Some of us rank schmaltz higher than butter.  And, about calcium.  Interestingly, not talking about dairy products.  Can’t taste calcium in milk, for example.  Talking about veggies like collard greens and kale. 

You might be thinking, why isn’t spicy a taste?  That’s because the compounds in spicy foods activate pain and temperature receptors in the mouth, not taste buds.  They trick the brain into thinking it’s experiencing a burning sensation.  Eating spicy foods doesn’t make you tougher…. maybe just a sensation seeker??

Some people are supertasters.  They have a higher concentration of taste buds. Supertasters are born, not made.  It’s genetic.  But it isn’t all fun.  They have an aversion to bitter foods like coffee, dark chocolate, and certain vegetables.  Sorry about the chocolate.

Loss of taste is called ageusia.  It can cause loss of appetite.  Guess that’s a positive if you want to lose weight.  It’s a negative in terms of nutritional intake, which can lead to a decline in health.  As taste fades, some of us start eating more salty, sweet, and fatty foods that boost flavor.  Not a good idea.  That increases the risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease.  We should ditch our Cheese Puffs?  Oh, no!

Taste buds also protect us.  Tastes wrong?  Mouth says spit it out.  Could be dangerous.  Remember, it’s not an excuse to spit out food at the dinner table just because you don’t like it.

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Emphasize good oral hygiene and stay hydrated.  Use of tongues for identification is being investigated because lawbreakers often alter their fingerprints to hide their criminal records from law enforcement.  Can’t sandpaper your tongue!  Like fingerprints, no two tongue prints are the same.  So, brush your tongue and gargle unless you are planning to rob a bank!  And, thankfully, as we age, we will still have four important taste buds left: vodka, wine, cheese, and chocolate.

Wrinkled wisdom – Stop and Smell the Roses!

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Great advice!  We should all take moments to relax and appreciate the simple pleasures and beauty of life.  And, this metaphorical reminder underscores the importance of the sense of smell.  Though smell sure has some contrasting definitions.  The positives?  Aroma, fragrance, scent, bouquet, perfume.  The nose-holding negatives?  Stench, stink, rank, putrefaction, funk, malodor.  Think bakeries versus dumpsters. 

You literally want to hold your nose when eating out, sitting in the movies or on an airplane, when someone nearby is reeking of perfume or aftershave—the classic good smell gone bad.  And then there’s… flatulence, which is more likely to happen on the plane ride because of the lower pressure that makes our ears pop and our body’s gasses expand.  Perhaps reconsider your preboarding food choices.

There is much written about how many senses we have, but sense of smell is definitely an important one.  It was the first sense to emerge.  Researchers say it’s some 1.5 billion years old, when complex life forms began to appear and earth may have smelled like rotten eggs due to hydrogen sulfide belched by microbes.  Want to survive, eat, and mate?   Learn to smell—foe, food, and friend.  Interestingly, smell is strongest at night.  So, certain fragrances can contribute to better sleep.  Fresh sheets???  A winner.

Smell is extremely important when it comes to attraction between two people. Body odor, produced by the genes that make up our immune system, influences our perceptions of others.  Some scientists think kissing evolved from sniffing and tasting the other person to test if they really are a match.  So, we base selection of our mate based on smell?  Yup!  Pretty much!  Wonder why smell hasn’t been noted in divorce proceedings?  The grounds for “no-fault” divorces should include loss of…the smell!

We are entertained by the personality traits indicated by a person’s favorite scents.  If you are drawn to fruity scents, you are likely to have a positive outlook and be spontaneous.  A preference for floral scents suggests you are confident, ambitious, and a high achiever.  People who are drawn to pine and fir scents are reportedly visionaries, thinkers and intellectuals.  Lovers of earthy scents like ginger and fennel are loyal, honest, easy-going, and adventurous.  If you like the smell of herbs, you are well-mannered, empathetic, and generous.  If the smell of exotic spices turns you on, you may appear introverted but are self-assured with a zealous appreciation of life.   But, can you be a mix and how does this mesh with sun signs?

Smell is also closely linked with memory.  Smells can bring back both positive and negative memories of loved ones, special events…or throwing up in church.  Cinnamon might remind you of a particular Christmas.  The smell of apple pie could tap memories of dinners with your grandparents when you were a kid.

The perfume industry has long developed fragrances that convey a vast array of emotions and feelings.  Perfumes can act like time machines.  Cotton Candy de Dua is a fragrance that really smells like…no surprise…cotton candy, which reminds us of those wonderful summers we spent as kids walking the boardwalk at the New Jersey shore.  Bottom line, we’d rather eat it than wear it!

Losing your sense of smell is a bummer.  Really affects your mood and even quality of life.  And, some bad news.  As we age our sense of smell can fade as those olfactory nerves degenerate.  On no!  Gone will be that sentimental pathway to memories.  Oh, but there’s an upside—Benjamin Franklin’s old adage that is still popular today: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”  Guess loss of smell could make the relatives’ weeklong visit much more fun!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Smell the roses; smell the coffee.  Whatever makes you happy.  Remember: the nose knows, literally.  So, keep it clean, literally.  Choose your perfume or aftershave carefully and use it judiciously.  Shoot for the memory of an elephant and their sense of smell.  Those trunks are modified noses and, not surprisingly, incredibly powerful.   And, finally, as J. Paul Getty said: “Money is like manure.  You have to spread it around or it smells.”  So, be generous.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Are You Aiming to be a Centenarian?

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Getting old sucks!  Hear that often.  So why do almost 70% of adults want to live to be 79 to 100 years old and 9% gleefully hope to past 100??  Okay!  Okay!  We get it!  You want to brag about being centenarian. 

Most people won’t get their wish.  After the dip in lifespans due to Covid and the obesity epidemic, studies say we can now expect to live 77.5 years.  Heck.  That isn’t even old!  The number of Americans expected to reach 100 and older in thirty years, 2054, is only 422,000.  Today’s U.S. population is a bit over 340 million people.  Bad odds. 

We’re addicted obit readers.  We’re curious about the deceased’s age and cause of death.  89?  Not bad. 76? Too early.  56. Damn.  Actor Val Kilmer, 65, pneumonia.  Bummer!  Celebrities who made it to 100 or more include Kirk Douglas and George Burns.  Wow, Olivia de Havilland lived to be 104!  Like de Havilland’s obit, the cause of death is often not mentioned.  Obvious.  Old age!

No matter how long we live, we want to stay healthy.  And, boy, advice is everywhere…podcasts, television, streaming, radio, print, TikTok, and TED Talks.  We like the Power 9.  It was developed by a researcher who studied cities around the world with the oldest populations, dubbed the Blue Zones.  Only one was in the United States, Linda Loma, CA.   Hmmm…it is home to the cancer-fighting Proton Therapy Treatment & Research Center.

Power 9 recommendations are based on the lifestyle habits of these healthiest, longest living people.  We’re all in on the first of the nine: move naturally.  No pumping iron.  No gym memberships needed.  Just do house and yard work and plant gardens.  Yes!

Next, have some purpose.  Give your life meaning.  Knowing your sense of purpose is worth up to seven years of extra life expectancy.  Work on that one!   Thirdly, downshifting is suggested.  Yikes.  Didn’t know that stress leads to chronic inflammation associated with every major age-related disease!  Of the suggested ways to mellow out, we’ll take naps and do happy hours.  

All the Blue Zone inhabitants follow the 80% Rule.  It arises from a Confucian mantra that calls for stopping eating when 80% full.  Hmmm.  Maybe we’ll start with dessert?   Next is Plant Slant.  Yes, we all know we should eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.

Wine @ 5!  Love this one!  These oldies drink…every day.  Lots of wine.  But no drinking alone or to excess.  Hang out with friends.  So, booze is the answer? 

Belong.  Blue Zone people seek community.  Think senior centers, card clubs, Mahjong, arts and crafts, book clubs, and dance classes.  You CAN teach old dogs new tricks.  Dance classes are a twofer—they also hit the number one dictum: keep moving.  Lastly, loved ones first.  Friends and groups can be family, too.  But, hey, why no mention in the Power 9 of a good night’s sleep??

Switzerland boasts that it has numbers of retreats where they can teach longevity techniques and feed you anti-aging foods.  Hmmm.  We can eat berries, leafy greens, fatty fish, nuts, and avocados anywhere!  You can also travel to Switzerland if you have dementia, hopefully have checked off your bucket list, and want to call it a day.  Canada is the euthanasia capital of the world…and it’s a cheaper plane trip.  Here in the U.S., Death with Dignity is only allowed in some states if you have a terminal illness.

Got a giggle reading that an endangered giant tortoise at the Philadelphia Zoo has just become a first-time mom at around 100 years old.  The zoo thinks dad is about 96.  Geez!  How do they live so long?  They have strong immune responses and suppress cancer cells.  Ahh…good genes!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Put living to be a centenarian on your to-do list if you want to take a shot.  Start saving for those many tooth implants you’ll need.  Insurance doesn’t cover the entire cost and they cost a bunch.  Don’t give up dark chocolate!  It provides important antioxidants, whatever they really are.  And, remember George Burns’ fun line:  “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything.  You only have to remember it.”

Wrinkled wisdom – Sleep Tight, Wake up Bright

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Diet, exercise, and sleep are the three pillars of a healthy life, especially as we age.  Okay, we can choose to eat nourishing foods.  We can choose to go to the gym or take long walks.  But we sure can’t just choose to get a good night’s sleep.  If only!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that more than a third of U.S. adults don’t get the recommended seven hours or more of sleep every night.  We’re not alone!

Just walk into a drugstore and take a look at the sleep aid section.  It’s huge.  Options include Sleep-eze, ZzzQuil, Sominex, Kalms Night, melatonin, and more.  If they don’t work, doctors can prescribe Halcion, Restoril, Lunesta, Ambien, and Sonata.   Still not sleeping?  Explore functional mushrooms as seen on Shark Tank!

We stumbled onto an article headlined “simple things” to do to promote a good night’s sleep.  We like simple things so we read on.  First, avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol four to six hours before sleep.  Hmmm…the alcohol thing could be tough.  We’re limited to happy hour?? 

Next, set your heater or air conditioner at a comfortable temperature.  Okay.  Makes sense.  Avoid your cell phone, TV, and computer an hour before you are ready to go to bed.  Huh?  So, what are we supposed to do for that hour??   Brushing your teeth takes minutes.  Guess it’s time to read a book.  Maybe Meditation for Beginners??

Apparently, some people do better with a small amount of noise when sleeping.  You could run your ceiling fan or buy a white noise machine.  They are very, very popular.  Creating a soothing nighttime playlist is an option.  Your partner’s snoring obviously doesn’t count.  Are earplugs the answer to that snoring??   Maybe not!  They are one of the most common objects removed from ears in hospitals’ emergency rooms.

Another tip about what to drink when.  Forget the coffee, tea, or juice when you wake up in the morning.  We’re supposed to drink water first.  That is certainly easy to do while making the coffee or tea or pouring the juice.  And let’s face it, we are thirsty in the mornings because we don’t drink a bunch at night so we don’t have to get up and pee multiple times.  Chug some water first thing?  Good with that.  Doctors recommend adding some soluble fiber powder…if we can remember.

So, when’s the best time to stop drinking water at night?  Two hours before going to bed.  Take your vitamins in the morning.  Don’t flood your body with fluids at night.  You’ll really regret it.

As we all well know, waking up in the middle of the night to head to the john has become more common as we’ve gotten older.  There’s a reason.  Our bodies produce less of the hormone that helps concentrate urine and retain fluids.  Peeing during the night even has a name—nocturia.   Some clever individual made it up by combining the Latin word for “night” and the Greek word for “urine.”  

What about naps?  Experts say a short nap—less than 90 minutes—is okay since it’s a lighter phase of sleep, not that deep, restorative sleep that you should get throughout the night.  Yet it’s often so elusive for so many.

And, experts say we should wear socks to bed.  Nothing to do with keeping your feet warm.  Actually, just the opposite.  Why?  Sends a signal to your brain to lower your core temperature—a cue that it’s time for…sleep! 

Lack of sleep sure hits our vanity hard.  None of us want to look in the mirror in the morning after a bad night’s sleep.  A tired face boasts droopy eyelids, circles under the eyes, sagging mouth corners, wrinkles, and fine lines.  No, it’s not just aging!  

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Since sleep is our most important behavior, go for broke on a good mattress.  If you’re a “princess and the pea” type, sorry, you’re on your own.  In your next place, make sure the john is about seven steps from your bed.  You know why!  We wish you sweet dreams.  But putting that song on your nighttime playlist won’t help!   Oh, and remember—nightlights are your friends.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Is Healthy Eating Easy? No Way!

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Yes, we all know we need to eat a healthy diet.  Duh.  And, yes, we’re tired of being inundated with ads admonishing us to cut out processed foods.  

Apparently, health experts don’t realize how very confusing these ads are!  Any food is considered processed if it has been canned, cooked, frozen, pasteurized, or packaged.  Hey, it’s just fine to eat canned vegetables, frozen fruits, and pasteurized dairy products.  And, canned foods are essential to surviving the zombie apocalypse! 

It’s the highly processed/ultra-processed foods that are harmful to our health.  They are loaded with salt, sugar, additives, added colors, and preservatives.  We’re looking at you, chicken nuggets and frozen pizzas.  Sorry!   And, it’s not just foods.  Add to that list of no-nos some sodas, bottled smoothies, and energy drinks.

But, how do we know what’s ultra-processed??  Just read the label?  Tough. 

The best advice we can give is to stay away from stuff that has five or more ingredients, especially a bunch you don’t recognize and can’t pronounce.  Or try covering the front of the box, jar, or package and just read the ingredients.  Do you still know what you’re buying?

Beware of sugars that end in “ose.”  Beware of artificial sugars like aspartame, sucralose, acesulfame-k, saccharin, and stevia.  A recent study just found that xylitol, a natural sugar alcohol (whatever that is) can cause heart attacks and strokes.  And, who would guess that salad dressings and toilet bowl cleaners have something in common – xanthan gum.  Maybe just put any product back on the shelf if one of its ingredients starts with an “x.” 

Those bad saturated fats have lots of names too: hydrogenated fats/oils, butter, cocoa butter, palm oil, coconut oil, lard, and suet.  And let’s not forget about salt.  Sodium chloride is table salt, but less obvious on labels are sodium benzoate disodium, disodium phosphate, brine, soy sauce, and the ever-famous MSG, monosodium glutamate.  Watch out for negative cholesterol build up from both.  Go easy.  Or not.

A few more facts about salt.  It’s essential for our bodies to function properly.  Salt’s ability to preserve food was a founding contributor to the development of civilization.  The Egyptians used it in mummification.  Roman soldiers got a salt allowance.  Ghandi led a Salt March in 1930, protesting Britain’s Salt Act that forced Indians to buy highly-taxed British salt.  Gotta have salt…especially on our fries. 

Upset to learn that bacon, sausage, lunch meat, and hot dogs are not only ultra-processed, but classified as carcinogenic by the International Agency for Research on Cancer.  We’ll ignore the fact that, technically, sliced bread also is ultra-processed!  Do look out for highly processed foods masquerading as healthy foods.  Breakfast cereal is a major offender along with flavored yogurts and granola, energy, and protein bars.  We love irony.

We all think organic foods are special, but a French supermarket found that half the organic products they sold were ultra-processed.  Sacré bleu!  That saves us guilt for not spending additional bucks on these more expensive foods!

Okay, we’ll smile smugly while snacking on raw veggies, almonds, and dried fruits.  But, screw it!  We aren’t giving up our favorite junk foods.  Bring on potato chips, Cheez-Its, candy, and ice cream.  And, who can give live without chocolates???

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?   Shop the perimeter of your grocery store since most fresh stuff is along the edges.  Processed foods are in the middle aisles.  Oops.  Walk past the deli counter if you’re serious about eating healthy.  Don’t forget to bring your glasses for reading labels.  And, buy the natural peanut butter for the grandkids…without oils that extend shelf life and prevent it from separating.  Just find a tool to mix it before making the kids a PB&J.  We trust your creativity!  A corkscrew???  We know you’ve got one of those on hand.

Wrinkled Wisdom – More Fun and Curious Facts

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It’s again time to regale you with an entertaining medley from those boring, useless, strange, weird, fun, historic, and mind-blowing facts the internet loves to feed us.  Sucker for trivia?  Stick with us!

Did you know that if you put your rubber bands in the refrigerator they will last longer, that women hiccup less than men, and that sharks are the only fish that can blink with both eyes? 

Did you know that you can ask for change for a dollar in 293 ways?  Hmmm.  Does anyone even pay in cash these days?  Yikes, two in five Americans now don’t even carry any money at all.

Summer starts this month.  Think twice about sitting by a lake or pool drinking a cold beer or margarita.  Not only are mosquitoes attracted to blood type O, they love people who have alcohol in their bloodstream.  Alcohol expands blood vessels, which then increases skin temperature and sweating—delights that invite a bite.  Ouch.  Bug spray!

The French Poodle is actually a myth.  Poodles originated in Germany.  They were trained as sporting dogs.  And, love this one.  A flock of flamingos is called a flamboyance.

We all had brown eyes until 6,000 to 10,000 years ago when a baby was born in Europe with a DNA blip—blue eyes.  So, everyone with blue eyes today is a very distant relative of that one ancient person.  Blue-eyed angels?  No, all of us with blue eyes are really mutants.

A new study shows that more and more viewers are having trouble understanding what people are saying on TV shows.  Let’s blame it on flat-screen TVs using miniature speakers that garble the dialogue…not our hearing.   

Thought you heard “Betty in a dress” rather than “Bennie and the Jets?” This is called a mondegreen.  It’s when you mishear a word, phrase, or song lyric.  Mondegreens are the opposite of malapropisms, which are the incorrect use of a word.  Example: Mike Tyson’s response to a reporter after he lost a boxing match.  “I might just fade into Bolivian.”  Nope, Mike, we knew you meant “oblivion.”  

We do want to emphasize some interesting facts about seniors.  We’re happier than most.  We still enjoy sex.  We sweat less.  Our teeth are less sensitive and we don’t get colds as often as younger people.

Why don’t we sweat as much as we used to?  Our sweat glands shrink as we age.  What else shrinks as we age?  Our brains and our bones.  One of us used to be 5 feet 9 inches.  Nope.  Not anymore.  We’re happier because we are supposedly less likely to get angry, more in control of our emotions, and

better at dealing with conflict.   Maybe not when we’re looking at the cost of a tooth implant.

It’s not surprising that people over 65 watch more television than anyone. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says we oldies spend about four hours sitting in front of the TV each day.  Could it be that driving at night isn’t as easy as it used to be????  

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Let’s make our golden years some of the best of our lives.  No sweat!  Turn on the captions for TV shows; don’t miss a thing.  Life expectancy is growing.  But, think about it, we’re saving money on underarm deodorant, Tylenol, and tissues since we don’t sweat as much or get as many colds!  And, we still think keeping some emergency cash in our wallets is a good idea.  You just never know.

Wrinkled Wisdom – What Kind of Shot?

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Tequila, vodka, whiskey, and jello—we’ve done lots of shots in our day. When we seniors now talk about shots, we are not talking about liquor, bars, and fun, we’re talking about vaccines.  Let’s look at our many options!

We all had chickenpox as kids.  Shingles is caused by the same virus, which stays dormant in the body just waiting to cause that painful itch and the rash and swelling that can make us look like a duckbilled platypus.  About half of all shingles cases nail adults 60 or older.  “Shingles doesn’t care” shouts one TV ad.  We do!  The good news?  The newest vaccine can last seven years.  Gee, quite a bargain.

Pneumonia is a pneumococcal disease and another problem that increases as we age.  Sir William Osler, a Canadian physician and one of the founders of Johns Hopkins Hospital who died over a century ago, called pneumonia the “old man’s friend.”  Like heck!  No one appreciates his joke.  Symptoms in seniors include fatigue, chills, and shortness of breath.  Hmmm.  Breathing seems pretty important.  More good news.  The pneumonia vaccine for seniors stops 50 to 70 percent of pneumonia infections.  So there, Sir Osler!

No wonder everyone is referring to RSV as RSV.  Respiratory Syncytial Virus??  This was a new one on us.  Symptoms are like the common cold.  TV ads are sure pushing vaccines for this virus; but, interestingly, some doctors aren’t. 

Measles are making a comeback after the disease was eradicated from the U.S. in 2000.   Don’t worry.  If you had the measles vaccine as a kid, you are protected for life.  Whew!  But, if the grandkids get those red blotchy rashes, maybe sweetly decline to babysit them just in case.

We thought polio was consigned to history.  But, it’s back; baby it’s back.  A bit.  Remember those scary iron lungs??…those huge, round mechanical respirators that enclosed most of the sick person’s body?   Thankfully, no need to put the polio vaccine on your list if, like us, you were vaccinated as a kid.

Yes, we get our flu shots every year.  Add that to the list.  And, be sure to get one if you are going on a cruise.  That’s on doctor’s orders!

Holy cow, the list of vaccines you might have to get if you are traveling overseas is huge—yellow fever, Tdap (tetanus, diphtheria, pertussis), typhoid, and cholera to name a few.  If you are heading to Asia, add the Japanese encephalitis vaccine.  The infection is caused by a mosquito bite and swells your brain.  Do you have travel medical insurance??

What about the avian flu?  Been tough on backyard and commercial chicken flocks.  Now it’s infecting dairy cows and has been found in some milk.  Don’t buy any raw milk at a farm stand!  Poor chickens!  The Department of Agriculture is about a year away from a vaccine for this strain.  A French vaccine for ducks is only 80% effective.  Poor us.  Price of eggs.  Only one farmworker has gotten the virus, but vaccine trials are underway just in case.  Oh, no, another pandemic threat???  

The Covid pandemic was bad enough and that disease here to stay.  It is the “Song that Never Ends.” 

Cases of the sexually transmitted infectious disease syphilis are reportedly soaring in the U.S.   There is no approved vaccine for syphilis; but, even if there were, don’t think we oldies would need to add that one to our list.  Well, if you are on a dating site, be aware!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Think about having that shot of alcohol after getting a shot or shots in your arms.  How many arms do we have???  Only two.  Docs say it’s okay to get several vaccines at the same time and even in the same arm…an inch apart.  No chronic health problems caused.  Note the word “chronic.”  We’re retired.  We have time.  We’ll make multiple appointments, thank you.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Huh?  That’s in your Medicine Cabinet?

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Mary Jane, not just a ski area in Colorado.  Grass, not just your lawn.  Pot, not just for soup.  Joints, not just elbows and wrists.  Doobie, not just the rock band brothers.  There are loads of nicknames for cannabis and the marijuana cigarettes we used to roll.

Oops!  We were recently corrected by a 20-year-old for referring to marijuana as dope.  Nope.  That’s out.  Younger generations call it weed.  Hmmm…maybe a shortened version of locoweed, which causes horses and cattle to act a bit crazy if they eat the plant?

The oldest study of cannabis’ medicinal potential was documented by Chinese emperor Shen Nung in 2,727 B.C., who used himself as a test subject.  That’s according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s DEA Museum in Arlington, VA.  Yes, there is such a thing.  Some historians say marijuana has been around for 8,000 to 12,000 years. 

Everything changed with the 1937 Marihuana Tax Act.  It paved the way for the criminalization of marijuana.  No, that wasn’t a typo.  Both spellings of marijuana/marihuana are correct, but today the one with the “h” is mostly used in legal contexts because of the 1937 bill.  However, the times they are a-changin’.  Only seven states haven’t approved marijuana for medical purposes; 24 states have okayed weed for recreational use.  Not the Feds. 

You may have indulged in your youth and you may now be revisiting those days as you look for relief from a variety of health issues.  There are tons of cannabinoids.  You may ignore THC that gives you the high, but be all in for CBD for pain relief.  

Don’t worry, you will fit right in at the dispensary.  Use of marijuana by older adults went up 455 % 10 years ago and just keeps rising.  Love the headline “Why Some Seniors Are Choosing Pot Over Pills.”  The list of ailments helped by weed are amazingly extensive…inflammation; muscle, joint, back, and knee pain; migraines; arthritis; insomnia; and more.  Lots of options!!  Gummies.  Creams and patches for sore spots.  Just talk to your budtender!!  

Then there is LSD, Timothy Leary’s favorite drug.  Acid trips!  Bad trips.  Flashbacks!  There is renewed interest in this potent hallucinogen to treat addiction, depression, anxiety, and PTSD…under medical supervision.  John Lennon and George Harrison were habitual users of LDS.  So, many jumped to the conclusion that the Beatles’ song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was a wink-and-a-nod to LSD.  NOT, Lennon claimed.  Just a coincidence.  Sure.  Don’t think we need LSD in our medicine cabinets.

And, remember mushrooms?  Not the ones you find on your salad or pizza!  We’re referring to mushrooms containing the hallucinogenic compound psilocybin that alters mental states. 

Let us introduce you to “functional mushrooms.”  This phrase describes mushrooms that have health benefits beyond their nutritional value.  They can enhance immune support, increase energy and endurance, reduce stress, and, importantly, improve cognitive function.  Yes!  They come in gummies too. 

Jake Plummer, a former Broncos quarterback, has a company called Umbro that produces all sorts of products from functional mushrooms he promotes for athletes.  Check out some stuff on his website that isn’t just for pros or google “mushroom gummies health.”  Add them to your medicine cabinet and have fun telling friends you are doing shrooms!!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Get your medical marijuana card!  Have fun at the DEA Museum on a trip east.  The grandkids can be sworn in as Junior Special Agents and experience a virtual mission.  Get a bit more creative about what’s in your medicine cabinet.  But, maybe attach a sign inside your cabinet that reads: I’ll forget about you looking in my medicine cabinet if you forget about the bathroom camera catching you snooping. 

Visual Acuity

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Ghosts!!?? Apparitions of some sort!!??

Okay, we don’t believe in ghosts.  But, what are those flickers of light in the corners of our eyes that create the illusion of elusive shadows lurking around the house?

Time to visit the eye doctor for a reality check.  Hmmm.  Just manifestations of eye issues, we’re told— “floaters,” leaky vitreous fluid, double vision (there are not two dogs coming toward you), macular pucker, stressed retinas, cataracts (get the upgraded lens), and corneal conditions….take your pick.

Ah…..another sign of aging.

Everyday visual challenges are exasperating.  Can’t read the number on the prescription bottle to reorder.  Can’t read the amount owed on bills.  Can’t read the due date for paying the bills.   Don’t these organizations realize that some of their customers are oldies?  Use larger print!  Seeable colors!  The easy answer?  A magnifying glass.  Oh, and yes, perhaps we should opt for paying bills online.

Wow.  Amazon really hypes magnifiers with lights for seniors, emphasizing that they end struggling to read tiny print.  The promo language also points out that these magnifiers are great for reading in bed without waking your partner, and are useful for parents and school nurses inspecting children for lice.  Okay.  Hadn’t thought of that.  Bad image!

We’re oldies, but we do own a cell phone and have learned to use its flashlight to read menus in dimly lit restaurants.  Carrying around a magnifying glass would be a bit embarrassing.

Not only has a magnifying glass now become a necessity to read fine print, a magnifying mirror has become essential paraphernalia.  Essential for nailing those black and white hairs growing from our chins, those errant hairs emerging from our ears and noses, and those seemingly foot-long ones jutting out of our eyebrows!  Yes!

Other visual challenges?  How about coping with the glare from headlights while driving at night or sun reflections during the day?  Yikes, those low, huge, setting suns are stunning…stunning in their ability to blind us!  What’s happening?  Those darn lenses are scattering the light as it enters our eyes rather than being focused precisely on the retina, creating an exaggerated glare.  Listen for glare warnings from traffic helicopters.  Really, weather reports include glare!  Wow, who knew?

And, it’s tougher when we are going someplace we haven’t been before at night because reading street names in the dark from a distance is almost impossible.  Love it when it is a numbered street.  Easy, 112th comes after 111th.  But, then they squeeze in a street with a name!  Rude!

Got a giggle when older friends would jokingly say they only dated individuals who could drive at night.  Thought they were kidding.  They weren’t.

“Visual acuity” is defined as the sharpness of our vision.  The test for visual acuity is our ability to identify which vile line of those tiny letters we can still see when tested at the eye doctor’s.  We flunk.  Who doesn’t need reading glasses at our age?  Thank heavens the eye chart for drivers’ licenses is more forgiving, and we don’t have to wear glasses while driving.

We recently wrote about being both literally and figurative thin-skinned.  Visual acuity is the visual equivalent.  We can’t see some stuff, and we really don’t want to see some other stuff.

So our wrinkled wisdom for today?  Make your ophthalmologist your best friend.  Forget hoping for good grades on that visual acuity test.  Can’t read something?  Forget your pride and grab the magnifying glass.  When searching for that least noisy restaurant table, check out the lighting, too.  And, remember, the CEO of Uber said people won’t own cars in 10 years, so night driving won’t be a problem.  Of course, it won’t matter to us since by then the kids will have taken the keys and put Uber/Lyft apps on our cellphones.

Old Is the New New

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No, we aren’t talking about consignment shops. We’re talking about the changing face of America.

The world’s older population continues to grow at an unprecedented rate.  There are now over 72 million boomers and another 50-odd million people who belong to the “silent” generation.  And, our growth is outpacing every other demographic group.  In fact, by 2030, one in five Americans will be 65 or older.  A virtual tsunami of oldies!

Old is the new new!  That should earn us a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!  With this reference, we are broadening the feminist theme of Aretha Franklin’s 1967 hit.

Interestingly, speaking of respect, did you know we have our own government agency?  It’s called the National Institute on Aging (NIA).  It’s part of the National Institute of Health, which we all know as NIH, and is charged with studying aging and extending our healthy, active years of life.  Alzheimer’s disease is an important focus.  Oh, and testosterone therapy.

There is power in numbers.  Money talks.   Ah, sometimes adages and their general truths are apropos if a bit overused.  As a group, we oldies have tremendous economic clout.  Seniors control nearly a third of total U.S. net wealth.  Advertisers need to catch on!

And, marketers are wising up…albeit…slowly.  They are recognizing that we spend and it’s not just on cruises, medical alert systems, senior living facilities, and Depends.  Research underscores that we are significant buyers of cars and Apple products.   Hence the recent AARP headline:  Automakers Rediscover and Create for Boomers.

How propitious that self-driving cars are being developed just as we are aging!  How very thoughtful.  And, another fun headline: Self-driving Vehicles and Baby Boomers: A Budding Relationship.

Yet, advertisers have a long, long way to go.  Today, less than five percent of advertising targets the baby boomer market.  Most advertising dollars are spent catering to 18 to 34 year-olds.  Forbes magazine calls us the most neglected, wealthy group in the history of marketing.

And, important to advertisers, we Google.  We check our e-mail on our smartphones. We order stuff online.  We use social media.  We have Facebook pages.  We check out YouTube.  In fact, baby boomers describe themselves as heavy Internet users. The average broadcast media viewer is now over 50, which is really a profound change that will greatly impact television advertising.

Marketers, do the math!  Get over gerontophobia.  And, learn to talk to us in a way that reflects some reality.

And, wow, do they have a lot to learn.  Most seniors don’t like the advertising aimed at them.  It isn’t realistic or respectful, according to polls.  It’s stereotypic.  We want ads that capture our attention, entertain us, inform us, and respect us.

Okay, we all don’t look like Jane Fonda at 79.  Who can afford that much cosmetic surgery?  However, we do enjoy a beautiful oldie being featured in ads for L’Oreal skin cream aimed at women of all ages.  One of our favorites is an ad for Aldi, a German discount grocery chain with stores in the U.S.  It features an older woman, who, after pointing out the teas she buys for her husband, shares with the viewing audience: “I don’t like tea.  I like gin.”

As marketing changes and matures (is that a pun?), we hope to see an end to articles and discussions about ageism being the last politically correct prejudice.  We understand that mockery of older people masks fears of growing old.  We’re guilty.  Remember when we were in our 20s and dissed 30-year olds as over the hill?  Maybe that’s already changing.  A recent study shows that the younger generation’s greatest fear is their phone batteries running low.  We could create a fun analogy about aging, but won’t.

So our wrinkled wisdom for today?  Lift a glass.  Make a toast.  We’re not invisible anymore!  Give to the National Institute for Aging.  Yes, it’s a federal agency, but Congress made an exception and it can accept donations.  And, it’s OUR federal agency.  If an Aldi store comes to your area, shop there.  The management obviously has a great sense of humor.  When advertisements feature seniors in a fun and respectful manner, buy the product— after you Google the reviews, of course.