The lyrics of this 1964 Bob Dylan song sure ring true today. “There is a battle outside raging.” Today, it’s called Covid-19. Do we oldies have a lot to look forward to as states begin to open up? What will be a-changin’? If Colorado’s safer-at-home guidance is the norm, not much! Seniors must still stay at home unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Yes! Salons are opening. We could get a manicure/pedicure! Necessary? Pretty much if we want to wear sandals this summer. We could get our hair cut and colored. Beards trimmed. Necessary? Absolutely. With selfies down 68 percent since Covid-19 arrived, heading to the hairdresser tops the list. But, will vanity trump caution?
Bottom line? We’re still at home. Still physical distancing. Still wearing masks. Still drinking quarantinis. If corporate America is any clue, we’ll be locked up for a long time. Google and Facebook just told their employees they can work at home until next year. Researchers better get hopping on a safe and effective vaccine.
Other things that are a-changin’? Sports. We can always watch South Korean baseball stream on ESPN. But, U.S. baseball, football, and other sports? Stay tuned. Like NASCAR and PGA tours, they may return minus fans clapping and hollering. A South Korean football team came up with a unique approach to fill the empty stands…sex dolls. That didn’t go over well.
Since we all are locked up at home and watching more television, not surprising that the sales of pajamas increased 143 percent in April. And, it’s been hard not to notice how television advertising has changed. It’s now “sensitive.” There’s an endless recitation of phrases like “we’ve always been there for you;” “we may be apart, but we can stay connected;” and “we’ll get through this together.”
No more Charmin ads going on and on about its ultra-soft product. Instead, a Cottonelle ad urges Americans to stop hoarding toilet paper and “share a square” with friends and neighbors in need of a roll. Quilted Northern’s new ad features shots of a production factory and delivery trucks on the road. The message: “We’re on it.” About time!
Thankfully, toilet paper can actually be found in most grocery stores now. While we gazed longingly at the empty shelves for weeks, many people ignored warnings about flushing napkins, wipes, and paper towels down the john. This led to an economic stimulus for plumbers. Really!
Another thing that’s a-changin’? More people are ordering groceries instead of heading to the store. This is terrific until the wrong peanut butter brand is delivered, and we scrunch our nose in disgust. Then we learned that the grocery store won’t take returns! You’ve touched it. Bummer.
Everyone now assumes you don’t have anything to do you can’t do later and there’s truth in that. So, when you get a call from someone you haven’t spoken to in years and the conversation goes on forever and ever, just go to your front door and ring your doorbell. Then say, “Oops, my grocery delivery just arrived. Have to hang up.”
And, in this tough time, don’t forget the animals. If you received that government stimulus check, consider donating to your local zoo. Zoos depend on ticket sales, not Facebook likes. They are in trouble.
So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today? The CDC wants us to delay haircuts and manicures—all “non-essential” appointments. We are thinking twice about their advice when looking in the mirror. Think twice before booking that Carnival cruise scheduled for August. Support the Post Office; buy stamps online. Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’ve added a bird-watching app to your phone. No, the meat shortage is not a vegetarian plot. In memoriam, remember Little Richard. Play some of his music, so popular when we were kids. His 1970 album “Freedom Blues” seems very appropriate as we struggle with lock up and can’t wait to be free again.
P.S. Let’s agree to dump the term “social distancing” and replace it with “physical distancing.” Social distancing sounds, well, antisocial. We are quite capable of having a conversation while sitting six feet apart. More than ever, we need to laugh with and vent to our friends in person!
P.P.S. Stay healthy and sane!