wisdom

Wrinkled wisdom – Stop and Smell the Roses!

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Great advice!  We should all take moments to relax and appreciate the simple pleasures and beauty of life.  And, this metaphorical reminder underscores the importance of the sense of smell.  Though smell sure has some contrasting definitions.  The positives?  Aroma, fragrance, scent, bouquet, perfume.  The nose-holding negatives?  Stench, stink, rank, putrefaction, funk, malodor.  Think bakeries versus dumpsters. 

You literally want to hold your nose when eating out, sitting in the movies or on an airplane, when someone nearby is reeking of perfume or aftershave—the classic good smell gone bad.  And then there’s… flatulence, which is more likely to happen on the plane ride because of the lower pressure that makes our ears pop and our body’s gasses expand.  Perhaps reconsider your preboarding food choices.

There is much written about how many senses we have, but sense of smell is definitely an important one.  It was the first sense to emerge.  Researchers say it’s some 1.5 billion years old, when complex life forms began to appear and earth may have smelled like rotten eggs due to hydrogen sulfide belched by microbes.  Want to survive, eat, and mate?   Learn to smell—foe, food, and friend.  Interestingly, smell is strongest at night.  So, certain fragrances can contribute to better sleep.  Fresh sheets???  A winner.

Smell is extremely important when it comes to attraction between two people. Body odor, produced by the genes that make up our immune system, influences our perceptions of others.  Some scientists think kissing evolved from sniffing and tasting the other person to test if they really are a match.  So, we base selection of our mate based on smell?  Yup!  Pretty much!  Wonder why smell hasn’t been noted in divorce proceedings?  The grounds for “no-fault” divorces should include loss of…the smell!

We are entertained by the personality traits indicated by a person’s favorite scents.  If you are drawn to fruity scents, you are likely to have a positive outlook and be spontaneous.  A preference for floral scents suggests you are confident, ambitious, and a high achiever.  People who are drawn to pine and fir scents are reportedly visionaries, thinkers and intellectuals.  Lovers of earthy scents like ginger and fennel are loyal, honest, easy-going, and adventurous.  If you like the smell of herbs, you are well-mannered, empathetic, and generous.  If the smell of exotic spices turns you on, you may appear introverted but are self-assured with a zealous appreciation of life.   But, can you be a mix and how does this mesh with sun signs?

Smell is also closely linked with memory.  Smells can bring back both positive and negative memories of loved ones, special events…or throwing up in church.  Cinnamon might remind you of a particular Christmas.  The smell of apple pie could tap memories of dinners with your grandparents when you were a kid.

The perfume industry has long developed fragrances that convey a vast array of emotions and feelings.  Perfumes can act like time machines.  Cotton Candy de Dua is a fragrance that really smells like…no surprise…cotton candy, which reminds us of those wonderful summers we spent as kids walking the boardwalk at the New Jersey shore.  Bottom line, we’d rather eat it than wear it!

Losing your sense of smell is a bummer.  Really affects your mood and even quality of life.  And, some bad news.  As we age our sense of smell can fade as those olfactory nerves degenerate.  On no!  Gone will be that sentimental pathway to memories.  Oh, but there’s an upside—Benjamin Franklin’s old adage that is still popular today: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”  Guess loss of smell could make the relatives’ weeklong visit much more fun!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Smell the roses; smell the coffee.  Whatever makes you happy.  Remember: the nose knows, literally.  So, keep it clean, literally.  Choose your perfume or aftershave carefully and use it judiciously.  Shoot for the memory of an elephant and their sense of smell.  Those trunks are modified noses and, not surprisingly, incredibly powerful.   And, finally, as J. Paul Getty said: “Money is like manure.  You have to spread it around or it smells.”  So, be generous.

Wrinkled Wisdom:  How Are Those New Year’s Resolutions Coming Along??

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If you’ve already blown off your New Year’s resolutions, join the club.  Eighty percent of Americans give up on their resolutions by the second Friday of January.  That Friday even has a name—Quitter’s Day!  And, just 10% follow through on this centuries-old tradition.  Ahh, commitment issues!

Not surprisingly, we seniors are the least interested in making a resolution.  Been there; done that.  Who needs to drastically alter their routines at our age??  Guess we could resolve to never again to make a New Year’s resolution?  It’s the young’uns, 19 to 29, who are most likely to make at least one resolution and most feel pressured to do so.

What’s on the list of resolutions most commonly made each year?  Exercise more.  Like lift more…slices of pizza???  Oops!  That’s in conflict with the resolution to eat healthier.  Learn a new skill?  You’ve got to be kidding. 

Top resolutions also include a vow to save more money.  Huh?  We’re long retired.  We’ve built our nest egg.  Now we need to spend wisely and manage our investments so they see us through our golden years. 


We had to giggle about the sponsor of the septuagenarian Rolling Stones’ tour a couple of years ago—the Alliance for Lifetime Income, the trade organization for the annuity business.  Easy decision.  The band’s aging fan base perfectly matched the annuity trade group’s key demographics.

Then there are the more esoteric resolutions we are all urged to make.  Keep a positive mindset, which promises to have health benefits.  Stimulate our minds and challenge our brains to reduce the risk of memory loss and developing dementia.  Got that covered.  We play Words with Friends on our phone, bridge on-line, and have the Wordly app so we can “wordle” all day long.  And, we’re told we should link a resolution to pleasurable activities—a method called “temptation bundling.”  For example, if you resolved to eat more healthy meals, take a cooking class.  Delete.  Delete.  Delete.

For seniors, a list of recommended resolutions includes learning a new technology.  Are you kidding??   We still struggle with what we’ve got!  We are also urged to make a resolution to preserve our life stories.  We’ve already written a history of our family—the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But we do need to check out all the photographs in our house to identify long-forgotten relatives and write their names and relationships on the back.  Yikes, great grandma was quite a looker. 

It’s always entertaining to research how a tradition starts.  Reportedly, in the late first millennium B.C., a Babylonian king publicly vowed to be a better ruler, laying the groundwork for New Year’s resolutions.  The Romans cemented January 1st as the beginning of the new year.  Like the Babylonians, they celebrated with festivals and rituals, but also focused on vows of renewal like cleaning homes, stocking the pantry, paying off debts, and returning borrowed items.  Hmmm.  Those seem to be missing from popular resolutions today. 

The tradition crossed the Atlantic when the Puritans arrived in America.  One history professor explains that the Puritans wanted to avoid debauchery and reflect on the passing and coming years.  She maintains that this marked the emergence of resolutions in a modern sense.

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  If you find yourself in a situation in which it’s more diplomatic to share a New Year’s resolution, say you have resolved to smile more because it releases endorphins and creates a natural “high.”  Or, declare that you have resolved to play more with your grandkids because individuals who do so live longer and score higher on cognitive tests.  In the immortal words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” P.S.  Some advice for those who still make New Year’s Resolutions and really want to keep them?   Take it from gamblers.   Find some sucker to bet you can’t do it.  Money talks.

Wrinkled Wisdom – Thinking about Buying a New Car? Ugh!

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Remember how excited we used to get about buying a new car?  Loved choosing a color and matching it with the interior and seat colors.  Loved that new car smell and shine.  Loved the new audio systems that let us play for our favorite albums on cassette tapes and CDs while driving!  Not today!  New models are loaded with tech that is more overwhelming than impressive.  The manual sure doesn’t help.  Buying a new car is now a source of frustration, not joy.  And, prices?  OMG!

Just look at those dashboard designs.  Swapping knobs and sliders for intricate touch screen displays on dashboards in new cars is more distracting than useful.  How about simple, reachable controls that we can use without taking our eyes off the road?? 

A friend drove her granddaughter’s car recently and couldn’t find the lights or the windshield wipers.  Enjoyed the line from the guy who said jokingly that his wife’s new car came with a semester at MIT to learn to use the turn signal.  Could that the reason why so many drivers don’t give you a head’s up when they are turning?  Doubt it. 

Remember when we were kids and could name the make and model of every car on the road?  Each design was distinct.  Check out the look of today’s Chevys and Jaguars.  The difference?  The price.  We can blame the designs on aerodynamics, which led to these similar shapes and silhouettes across brands.  The aerodynamic design reduces drag and improves fuel efficiency.  But it’s made cars monotonous!

Speaking of monotonous, black, gray, silver, and white cars now account for about 75 percent of cars sold.  One reason for this descent into automotive blandness?  Brighter colors raise the cost of the car.  Seems ages since Bruce Springsteen sang about a pink Cadillac and Prince warbled about a little red Corvette.  

We learned to drive on a stick-shift green and white 1957 Chevy.  There is some good news!  Paint companies have developed technologies to apply two-tone paint on cars more efficiently, reducing costs.  Two-tone paint jobs are making a comeback.  You still pay a premium, of course.

The term “wretched excess” was used to describe the cars we saw on the road in the late 1950s.  The 1959 Cadillac De Ville was almost 19 feet long!  Parallel parking that baby must have been entertaining.  And, think of the gas mileage!

We are all interested in saving money at the pump, hence the popularity of today’s hybrids and electric cars (EVs).  Interestingly, nothing new.  The first successful EV made in the U.S. debuted around 1890.  Its top speed was 14 mph.  A speed monster!  Henry Ford’s 1908 Model T dealt a deadly blow to the EV.  It was affordable.  Gas was cheap.  And, electricity for EVs was rare outside of cities.  Sound familiar?  EVs all but disappeared by 1935.

In 1905, a patent was first filed for a hybrid.  It was designed to use the electric motor to augment the gasoline engine and increase acceleration from zero to a sizzling 25 mph in 10 seconds.  Whoopie!

They say you’re never too old to learn something new.  But it gets annoying!  We’re not alone.  Studies show new car owner satisfaction has dropped. 

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Let’s lobby for a return to “dumb cars” with fewer exasperating tech features and unnecessary bells and whistles!  Do your research before buying a new car.  Know your car’s trade-in value so you won’t be duped.  Test drive your favorite models.  Oh, and eat before you go to the dealership.  Buying a car can take hours and hunger can inhibit your ability to make a good decision.  Or, use a car broker, never set foot in a dealership, and save some calories.

P.S.  Please note that the smell we referenced as an olfactory perk of a new car is caused by chemicals being released by the car’s leather and plastic, which can cause eye and nose irritation.  Even has a name: off-gassing!  No worries.  Easy fix.  Just open the windows.

Wrinkled wisdom – Sleep Tight, Wake up Bright

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Diet, exercise, and sleep are the three pillars of a healthy life, especially as we age.  Okay, we can choose to eat nourishing foods.  We can choose to go to the gym or take long walks.  But we sure can’t just choose to get a good night’s sleep.  If only!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that more than a third of U.S. adults don’t get the recommended seven hours or more of sleep every night.  We’re not alone!

Just walk into a drugstore and take a look at the sleep aid section.  It’s huge.  Options include Sleep-eze, ZzzQuil, Sominex, Kalms Night, melatonin, and more.  If they don’t work, doctors can prescribe Halcion, Restoril, Lunesta, Ambien, and Sonata.   Still not sleeping?  Explore functional mushrooms as seen on Shark Tank!

We stumbled onto an article headlined “simple things” to do to promote a good night’s sleep.  We like simple things so we read on.  First, avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol four to six hours before sleep.  Hmmm…the alcohol thing could be tough.  We’re limited to happy hour?? 

Next, set your heater or air conditioner at a comfortable temperature.  Okay.  Makes sense.  Avoid your cell phone, TV, and computer an hour before you are ready to go to bed.  Huh?  So, what are we supposed to do for that hour??   Brushing your teeth takes minutes.  Guess it’s time to read a book.  Maybe Meditation for Beginners??

Apparently, some people do better with a small amount of noise when sleeping.  You could run your ceiling fan or buy a white noise machine.  They are very, very popular.  Creating a soothing nighttime playlist is an option.  Your partner’s snoring obviously doesn’t count.  Are earplugs the answer to that snoring??   Maybe not!  They are one of the most common objects removed from ears in hospitals’ emergency rooms.

Another tip about what to drink when.  Forget the coffee, tea, or juice when you wake up in the morning.  We’re supposed to drink water first.  That is certainly easy to do while making the coffee or tea or pouring the juice.  And let’s face it, we are thirsty in the mornings because we don’t drink a bunch at night so we don’t have to get up and pee multiple times.  Chug some water first thing?  Good with that.  Doctors recommend adding some soluble fiber powder…if we can remember.

So, when’s the best time to stop drinking water at night?  Two hours before going to bed.  Take your vitamins in the morning.  Don’t flood your body with fluids at night.  You’ll really regret it.

As we all well know, waking up in the middle of the night to head to the john has become more common as we’ve gotten older.  There’s a reason.  Our bodies produce less of the hormone that helps concentrate urine and retain fluids.  Peeing during the night even has a name—nocturia.   Some clever individual made it up by combining the Latin word for “night” and the Greek word for “urine.”  

What about naps?  Experts say a short nap—less than 90 minutes—is okay since it’s a lighter phase of sleep, not that deep, restorative sleep that you should get throughout the night.  Yet it’s often so elusive for so many.

And, experts say we should wear socks to bed.  Nothing to do with keeping your feet warm.  Actually, just the opposite.  Why?  Sends a signal to your brain to lower your core temperature—a cue that it’s time for…sleep! 

Lack of sleep sure hits our vanity hard.  None of us want to look in the mirror in the morning after a bad night’s sleep.  A tired face boasts droopy eyelids, circles under the eyes, sagging mouth corners, wrinkles, and fine lines.  No, it’s not just aging!  

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Since sleep is our most important behavior, go for broke on a good mattress.  If you’re a “princess and the pea” type, sorry, you’re on your own.  In your next place, make sure the john is about seven steps from your bed.  You know why!  We wish you sweet dreams.  But putting that song on your nighttime playlist won’t help!   Oh, and remember—nightlights are your friends.

Wrinkled Wisdom:  What’s in a Name??

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The ancient Romans’ phrase “nomen est omen” translates to “the name is an omen.”   Historians love pointing out that, in 70 B.C., a Roman official, whose last name meant “male swine,” was found guilty of acts of plundering and extortion.  The prosecutor in his trial was the legendary orator Cicero, who argued that the official’s conduct “confirmed his name.”  The name game was on!

A 1994 New Scientist magazine cited an article noting that scientists and writers often seem to focus on subjects that reflect their names.  Fun example?  A British Journal of Urology article about incontinence was authored by A.J. Splatt and D. Weedon.  A reader of that article coined the term nominative determinism. 

How about names predicting professions?  Is a Dennis or a Denise more likely to become a dentist?  Jimmy Kimmel once interviewed four people whose names perfectly matched their jobs.  Get ready to giggle!  They included volunteer firefighter Les McBurney, dentist Dr. Chip Silvertooth, contractor Paul Schwinghammer, and gynecologist Dr. Lauren Hyman. 

Then came a trio of articles arguing that people’s names not only influenced their professions but where they moved and whom they married.  They argue the people are drawn to towns and streets with names similar or identical to their own.  They marry individuals with their same name.   Hmmm!  We do know one person who married another with the same last name, but we want to see more research on that one!

Many names are inspired by nature.  Summer, Autumn, and Winter come to mind, although Winter is a dog.  Okay, we know Lilies, Daisys, and Poppys.  We have been spared Daffodils, Tulips, and Hydrangeas.  Other than Clementine, fruits haven’t gained much traction.  Don’t forget colors: Rose, Violet, and Scarlett.  Luckily no Maroon, Purple, or Umber!

Parents even name their kids after cities. Think Augusta, Austin, Florence, Lincoln, Memphis, Orlando, Savannah, and Troy.   Ah, maybe they just hope their kids will go places, see things, and change the world.

Pet names (for humans)!  Interestingly, research shows that couples who use pet names are actually happier in their relationships.  We get babe, honey, hun, sweetie pie, and sugar.  But, the trendy bae and boo??  Had to learn those for crossword puzzles.  Again, we are not part of that demographic.  That’s a euphemism for…we’re old.

It is said that sticks and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.  This rhyme helps kids cope with name-calling.  Let’s give it another take.  Try Reginald Kenneth Dwight, Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra, Eric Marlon Bishop, and Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner.  Would you pay top dollar to see any of these names?  But, how about Elton John, Meg Ryan, Jamie Foxx, or Sting?  Maybe changing names isn’t such a bad idea. 

It’s common for a son to have Jr. after his name to distinguish him from his father.  An historian explains that back in the daywomen were invisible in town records because they didn’t own property.  But when dad passed his property to his son, it needed to be clear in probate and deed records who was who.  

We didn’t remember that the only daughter of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Anna Eleanor Roosevelt was named Anna Eleanor Roosevelt Jr.  Carolina Herrera Jr. designs fragrances for her mother, the fashion designer.  Yes!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today:  Don’t be superstitious.  We doubt any name will really guide the grandkids’ destinies.  But, do urge your kids to do some homework before naming your grandchild.  Mallory became popular in the 1980s thanks to Mallory Keaton in Family Ties.  But its meaning is “unfortunate” or “unlucky.”  The name Claudia is derived from the Latin word meaning “lame” or “crippled.”  Kick those maverick names to the curb!  In a crunch, there’s always …well…Hope!  

Wrinkled Wisdom – Huh?  That’s in your Medicine Cabinet?

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Mary Jane, not just a ski area in Colorado.  Grass, not just your lawn.  Pot, not just for soup.  Joints, not just elbows and wrists.  Doobie, not just the rock band brothers.  There are loads of nicknames for cannabis and the marijuana cigarettes we used to roll.

Oops!  We were recently corrected by a 20-year-old for referring to marijuana as dope.  Nope.  That’s out.  Younger generations call it weed.  Hmmm…maybe a shortened version of locoweed, which causes horses and cattle to act a bit crazy if they eat the plant?

The oldest study of cannabis’ medicinal potential was documented by Chinese emperor Shen Nung in 2,727 B.C., who used himself as a test subject.  That’s according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s DEA Museum in Arlington, VA.  Yes, there is such a thing.  Some historians say marijuana has been around for 8,000 to 12,000 years. 

Everything changed with the 1937 Marihuana Tax Act.  It paved the way for the criminalization of marijuana.  No, that wasn’t a typo.  Both spellings of marijuana/marihuana are correct, but today the one with the “h” is mostly used in legal contexts because of the 1937 bill.  However, the times they are a-changin’.  Only seven states haven’t approved marijuana for medical purposes; 24 states have okayed weed for recreational use.  Not the Feds. 

You may have indulged in your youth and you may now be revisiting those days as you look for relief from a variety of health issues.  There are tons of cannabinoids.  You may ignore THC that gives you the high, but be all in for CBD for pain relief.  

Don’t worry, you will fit right in at the dispensary.  Use of marijuana by older adults went up 455 % 10 years ago and just keeps rising.  Love the headline “Why Some Seniors Are Choosing Pot Over Pills.”  The list of ailments helped by weed are amazingly extensive…inflammation; muscle, joint, back, and knee pain; migraines; arthritis; insomnia; and more.  Lots of options!!  Gummies.  Creams and patches for sore spots.  Just talk to your budtender!!  

Then there is LSD, Timothy Leary’s favorite drug.  Acid trips!  Bad trips.  Flashbacks!  There is renewed interest in this potent hallucinogen to treat addiction, depression, anxiety, and PTSD…under medical supervision.  John Lennon and George Harrison were habitual users of LDS.  So, many jumped to the conclusion that the Beatles’ song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was a wink-and-a-nod to LSD.  NOT, Lennon claimed.  Just a coincidence.  Sure.  Don’t think we need LSD in our medicine cabinets.

And, remember mushrooms?  Not the ones you find on your salad or pizza!  We’re referring to mushrooms containing the hallucinogenic compound psilocybin that alters mental states. 

Let us introduce you to “functional mushrooms.”  This phrase describes mushrooms that have health benefits beyond their nutritional value.  They can enhance immune support, increase energy and endurance, reduce stress, and, importantly, improve cognitive function.  Yes!  They come in gummies too. 

Jake Plummer, a former Broncos quarterback, has a company called Umbro that produces all sorts of products from functional mushrooms he promotes for athletes.  Check out some stuff on his website that isn’t just for pros or google “mushroom gummies health.”  Add them to your medicine cabinet and have fun telling friends you are doing shrooms!!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?  Get your medical marijuana card!  Have fun at the DEA Museum on a trip east.  The grandkids can be sworn in as Junior Special Agents and experience a virtual mission.  Get a bit more creative about what’s in your medicine cabinet.  But, maybe attach a sign inside your cabinet that reads: I’ll forget about you looking in my medicine cabinet if you forget about the bathroom camera catching you snooping. 

Wrinkled Wisdom – Another Long Covid Symptom: Rudeness

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There has been much news coverage of the Center for Disease Control’s list of lingering, long Covid symptoms—depression, brain fog, headaches, dizziness.  Let’s demand that the CDC add rudeness to its list! 

Okay, the pandemic was a tough time for everyone.  We were locked up and masked up.  Social ties weakened.  Sleep patterns got screwed up.  Supply chain issues.  War.  Inflation! 

Researchers argue that all these challenges adversely impacted the ability to manage stress and control emotions.  Statistics show that stress is the leading cause of incivility.  That’s a fancy word for rudeness.  Think disrespectful, contemptuous, presumptuous.  Researchers have even given it a name—post-COVID rudeness syndrome.

Road rage has hit an all-time high.  We have all experienced more drivers exhibiting rude behavior, including tailgating, speeding, running red lights, and making illegal turns.  A website that helps consumers compare rates for auto insurance has listed the city with the most drivers cited for rude behavior in every U.S. state.  A city in California takes the cake.  But, OMG.  Broomfield, Colorado?  That’s just down the road. 

And, we found some interesting statistics for your family dinner.  Most people will crash their cars three to four times in a lifetime.  Over 50% of accidents happen within five miles of your home.  Talking on the phone while driving increases chances of getting into a car accident by 400%.  Ouch!

Then there are the movies.  A recent headline read: “Behavior at ‘Barbenheimer’ Reflects a Worrying Trend.”  Subhead: “Drunken outbursts, public nudity, and nonstop cellphone use disrupts packed theaters.  Have people forgotten how to go the movies?” 

Guess so. 

Saw Oppenheimer.  Really long movie.  No naked people in the theater.  Darn!  A guy, appropriately, wrote on Twitter… oops…sorry…now X, “if you don’t have the attention span for a three-hour movie, don’t leave the house to attend one.”  Just wait for it to stream.

Surprisingly, popular singers and musicians are not immune from rudeness while on stage.  People have thrown things at Cardi B and Harry Styles and others.  Wait!  When Taylor Swift came to Denver, a Colorado report emphasized that her fans spent more than $200 million in two days on hotels, restaurants, parking, and retail.  Don’t piss off these stars; they won’t come back! 

A Playbill exposé about aggression toward ushers and other Broadway theater workers, titled, “Physical Assault, Vomit in the Aisles, Stalking in the Streets: Why Audience Misbehavior Has Gotten Out of Hand,” was pulled because theater magnates were concerned that people would stay…well…off-Broadway.

An American Airlines pilot’s introductory remarks before the flight takeoff went viral as he gave an impassioned speech on proper manners to the “selfish and rude” passengers he said he sees on every single flight.  “Don’t lean on other people.  Don’t fall asleep on other people.  Don’t drool on them, unless you’ve talked about it and they have a weather-resistant jacket.”

Once these people get off the plane, their behavior apparently doesn’t improve.  It appears that this is the summer of ugly tourists around the world.  Vandalism.  Tantrums.  They are damaging century-old monuments and statues like carving a heart and initials into the historic Leaning Tower of Pisa.  We think there are more constructive ways to say “I love you!”

As the pandemic eased, workers quit jobs in restaurants, bars and hotels at the highest rate in decades, saying they’ve never seen customers behaving so badly.  One Cape Cod restaurant shut down for a “day of kindness” because of verbal abuse from rude customers.  The final straw came when a man lashed out at a young employee who told him he couldn’t take his breakfast takeout order because the restaurant had not yet opened.  The customer is NOT always right!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today?   Recognize that reentry into polite society is still proving a bit bumpy for some people after Covid.  Stay away from rude individuals when you can because, according to Harvard research, rudeness is like the common cold.  Anyone can be a carrier.  It’s contagious!  If you can’t avoid a rude person, feign concern and say…oh, dear…see your doctor right away.  You could have post-COVID rudeness syndrome.  Oh, and don’t forget to tip well! 

Wrinkled Wisdom – The Back Stories

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We all know George Washington didn’t chop down a cherry tree. What we didn’t know is that this myth was invented by one of his biographers, an itinerant minister and bookseller who just wanted to sell books. The myth amplifies young George’s honesty when challenged by his father. “I cannot tell a lie….”  Dad rejoices in his honesty underscoring the biographer’s strategy to present Washington as a perfect role model for young Americans. Creating a lie to amplify Washington’s honesty? Isn’t that a bit ironic?

We know Marie Antoinette didn’t say “let them eat cake.” It was reportedly the queen’s nasty, oblivious retort when told her starving peasant subjects had no bread. The philosopher who wrote the phrase attributed it only to “a great princess,” when Marie Antoinette was just a kid. Historians guess that revolutionaries attributed the quote to her to provoke opposition to the monarchy. Oh, and in French, the quote translates to…let them eat brioche. Brioche is a bread! Okay, it can be a bit sweet. But.

We know that Edison didn’t invent light bulbs. They existed before Edison was even born! Edison’s invention improved on work by Joseph Swan, a British chemist, who developed a more affordable light bulb. Swan then adopted Edison’s improved filament. Edison sued Swan. Swan sued Edison. Then a light bulb went off in their heads. The two joined forces, forming Edison-Swan United, which became one of the largest light bulb manufacturers in the world.

Legend has it that an Austrian nobleman forced townsfolks to uncover their heads in homage when royalty walked by. Oops! William Tell supposedly kept his hood on one day, ticking off the duke’s bailiff. The punishment? Shoot an apple off your son’s noggin or off with both of your heads. Whew! Tell pulled that off. He also is rumored to have assassinated a duke, encouraging open rebellion, and has long been considered the father of the Swiss Confederacy. Pretty momentous reputation for someone who isn’t even real!

Okay, the Swiss got democracy and we all got the William Tell Overture. The music has been in dramatically different films—Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse cartoon The Band Concert and the violent movie A Clockwork Orange. We’re old.  But we aren’t old enough to have watched The Band Concert. Guess the overture is as malleable as the myth.

Even the revered poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow rewrote history. In his poem, Paul Revere’s Ride, he wanted to create an inspiring message—that one man, in pursuit of a noble cause, really can make a difference. In Revere’s case, the start of the Revolutionary War. Historians say the poem has only one flaw: it is inaccurate in almost every way. Revere never shouted “the British are coming!” as he rode from town to town. He had to be discreet because British troops were hiding out in the Massachusetts countryside. He wasn’t waiting for the two church tower lanterns to be lit to signal the British were coming by sea. He knew that before he left Boston. They were a fallback alert in case he could not get out of Boston. And, Revere did not ride alone that night. Other than that!

We are sad to report that Chinese fortune cookies were first created in Japan then redesigned and baked by Japanese Americans. The Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor resulted in the internment of Japanese Americans. No more Japanese bakeries! Chinese American entrepreneurs saw an opening and began to produce and sell the cookies. Oh, in China, they are considered American. Who else would play those lucky numbers often found on the cookies in lotteries? Think twice, China, American players have used those numbers to win over $400 million in lotteries since 2004. 

Other myths dispelled? Big disappointment when we learned Buddha wasn’t fat and Vikings didn’t wear horns on their helmets. We are pretending we don’t know. We prefer to enjoy “Hagar the Horrible” and rotund Buddhas. And, George Washington Carver didn’t invent peanut butter. Credit the Incas and Aztecs. He did discover over 300 uses for peanuts, including shampoo, shaving cream, and glue. Huh???? Most importantly, he promoted a crop rotation system that increased yields and improved nutrients and organic matter in the soil. We love this guy.

Know that it is not a myth that tongue prints are going to be the new thing. Yes, tongue prints. Bad guys use acid to burn their fingers, erase their fingerprints, and evade identification. The notorious bank robber John Dillinger did it in the 1930s. Not a new thing! Doubt that bad guys will burn their tongues. Tongue prints, apparently, are more reliable than fingerprints and even better than retinal scans. In Colorado, we are fingerprinted for drivers’ license renewals to check if we have a criminal history. Will we soon be sticking our tongues out at DMV staff???

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today? Some myths and legends are harmless. The ones that last are too fun, and too convenient, to kill. Wear your Viking’s helmet with horns proudly. Play those fortune cookie lucky numbers. You never know. If a myth is worth the moral, tell it with your fingers crossed behind your back. Oh, and keep your tongues clean just in case.

Wrinkled Wisdom:  Keep It Simple, Stupid!

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While the kids spend hours playing Minecraft, we’re playing Words with Friends and Wordle, a game that expects us to know some incredibly arcane and esoteric words. Our gaming lets the internet knows we have a passion for words. Out of the blue, we started getting a new word a day from Word Daily, promising to expand our lexicon. That would be our vocabulary. 

Offerings have included obnubilate…to darken or obscure. Usage example—we refused to allow the sudden downpour to obnubilate our good moods. Then there was bruit…a rumor—until all the facts are in, don’t bruit around any information. Seriously? Will we use them? No way. Will we have fun with them? Sure.

We’ve long been hooked on the word eructation, a fun synonym for belching or burping, and an entertaining description of why the grandkids at family dinner should say “excuse me.” 

We were, of course, sucked in by Word Genius’ blog “How Deep Is Your Knowledge of Sustainability Vocab?” We’ve written about recycling and were feeling quite smug till we got to the word “greenwashing.” It’s been around since the 80s. Forgot that one! It describes companies that cash in on the environmental trend without taking any steps to minimize their own impact on the environment. That’s one we will add back to our lexicon.

Diablerie caught our eye. However, since it implies reckless mischief and charismatic wildness, we won’t be using it in a sentence when talking about us or our friends. We’re old. Those days are way over. How about paramnesia? Well, we have experienced this. It’s a confused memory, mixing fact and fantasy. It can result in a sense of déjà vu. As we age, we really relate to the Yogi Berra-ism: “It’s déjà vu all over again.” Like when we were young and diablerie.

We love saying the word tintinnabulation. Wow! An six-syllable word. Ah, the tintinnabulation of the bells, bells, bells. Churches don’t ring bells anymore to remind people to come to services, so…hmmm…the tintinnabulation of…we don’t know…wind chimes??

We could go on and on: flibbertigibbet, frabjous, ragamuffin, salmagundi, verisimilar. No ragamuffin does not refer to a food, but one of these words does. Test!

Sure, we can all have fun with these rarely-used, byzantine words, but it made us think about news articles, op-eds, and television talking heads. From them, we want clear communication. KISS.  Keep it simple, stupid. Keep it short and simple. Keep it simple and straightforward.

Do these communicators think long and complicated words that only a handful of people can understand make them sound smarter? Nope! A UCLA professor published a paper called, “Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with using long words needlessly.” Great title! He argues that using shorter words makes people seem more intelligent while using longer, more complex words makes them appear small-minded. And, he underscores that the best writing is simple and straightforward, delivering ideas clearly.

Wrinkled Wisdom: Raise a Glass of Wine to…Whatever You Want!

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Who knew that the wine business has an age problem? Nope. Not talking about the aging of wine to improve its quality. We’re talking about statistics indicating that the only area of growth for American wine recently was among people over 60. The biggest growth area was 70- to 80-year- olds. Wow! We seniors top the chart! A popular anonymous quote is obviously right on: “Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.” 

Experts say winemakers are failing to attract younger consumers, neglecting to reach out to them with enticing marketing campaigns. They suggest wine makers emphasize the environmental sustainability of wine and include nutrition and ingredient labeling to attract those concerned about health and wellness. We just like how it tastes. 

Young people today have options we didn’t have like craft beers, craft cocktails, kombucha, and cannabis drinks. Kombucha?? Pop quiz. Turns out it’s an ancient food that is made into a fermented drink with tea, sugar, bacteria, and yeast and has some health benefits. Yuck. No thanks.

Several states that have legalized marijuana have seen cannabis-infused mocktails, seltzers, and alcohol-free wines hitting the market, with ads promoting them as a shortcut to a healthier high. Pabst, which we know for its Blue Ribbon beer, now sells a lemon-flavored canned cannabis drink called High Seltzer, promising “a different kind of buzz.” Ah, so clever. During the pandemic, sales of marijuana beverages went up about 65 percent. Apparently, the younger generation really likes that buzz. Oh, and a healthy high. Sure.

There have been many studies about the impact of spirits on Covid. People drinking more than twice the recommended amount of alcohol reportedly have a greater risk of getting the virus. People who drink five glasses of red wine weekly have a lower risk. Drinking white wine helps a bit. Polyphenols are the reason because they can reduce blood pressure and inflammation, and potentially inhibit viral effects. Polyphenols? Okay, we looked them up. Don’t bother. Not a clue what they are.

Oh, and let’s not forget champagne and prosecco, which can’t be called champagne because it’s made in Italy. Both also reduce the chances of getting Covid. And, then some words from Napoleon Bonaparte, “In victory, you deserve champagne. In defeat you need it.”

Drinking caused a lot of deaths during the pandemic. Deaths jumped 26 percent between 2019 and 2020. The chief executive officer of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers described the jump in deaths this way: “What’s a word bigger than crisis?” The reasons? Reportedly stress and boredom. Some countries actually prohibited the sale of alcohol during the pandemic to free up beds for Covid patients. When the ban was lifted in South Africa, one woman on her way to buy a cold beer said she felt like she had just won a million bucks.

Sommeliers recommend we drink those red wines with meats and white wines with fish or chicken. Love a bacon cheeseburger? Drink a Zinfandel or Merlot. Junk food is best paired with a Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, or Pinot Grigio. These three wines reportedly match up well with the salt flavoring peanuts, pretzels, and potato chips. If you’re stuffing your mouth with a luxurious dark chocolate, choose a Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Syrah, or Malbec. Heaven! An old favorite comedian, George Carlin, once asked, “What wine goes with Capt’n Crunch?” Cereal? Hmmm. Not sure.

If we’re drinking lots of wine, maybe we should become more familiar with some descriptive terminology. That can be challenging! A “complex” wine means that the flavor changes from the moment you taste it to the moment you swallow it. The more aromas, flavors, and nuances you can decipher, the more complex the wine is. Okay. “Elegant” describes understated wines with higher acidity and more “restrained” characteristics. They are the opposite of big, bold and fruity wines. Whatever. “Zesty” is typically used when talking about wines with crisper qualities— whatever crisper tastes like. Oh, but “creamy” is a popular description for white and sparkling wines fermented or aged in oak. We get that one. Smooth!

So, our Wrinkled Wisdom for today? Drink wine and feel smug about it! Keep that record in our corner. But, that doesn’t mean you have to forgo the hard stuff. Not giving up our scotch and vodka! A warning: don’t describe wines as “flabby,” which means the wine has no acidity. Could remind your listeners about the calories they are chugging! And, finally, an observation from actress Joan Collins: “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” She is now 89.